When the Sun Goes Down
by CozItRunsInMyBlood
Summary: To see the end of her nightmares, Bella decides to take control of her life and flee the two people who hurt her the most. As she struggles day by day, she gets an offer which will change her life for good. But, would it be for the best?
1. Summary

My lovies,  
Hope you're all doing great.  
I'm so happy to announce that I have a new story to post.  
It's been SO long since the last I wrote FF. And, I miss my Edward and Bella terribly!  
This is where you could follow the story. I will start posting it on the 30th of November.  
I truly hope that you enjoy it.

Summary:

To see the end of her nightmares, Bella decides to take control of her life and flee the two people who hurt her the most. As she struggles day by day, she gets an offer which will change her life for good. But, would it be for the best?

EdwardxBella

Join my reader's group on Facebook: (CozItRunsInMyBlood) for updates about my writing.

Love, hugs and kisses,  
Cozy


	2. Chapter 1

**SM owns Twilight.**

**(CozItRunsInMyBlood /Rose B. Mashal) own the plot.**

**(BandMum) is the wonderful beta.**

**Chapter 1**

Every night I lie still in my bed, begging for a dreamless sleep. During the day, it was a challenge to function without difficulties. You'd think I'd go to sleep the second my head hit the pillow, but that was never how it went, not even close. I would've found it humorous, if everything didn't piss me off.

Yesterday, I yawned shamelessly until my boss glared at me to stop. It wasn't like I did it on purpose; it was out of my control. I hadn't slept well the night before, or the night before, or even the night before that. My sleep had been restless for many nights, more than I cared to count.

The thought of sleeping on my own in my sorry excuse of a studio apartment terrified me. As badly as I needed rest, I was afraid to close my eyes. Closing my eyes meant that I might fall asleep, and falling asleep only meant the welcoming of the nightmares.

Waking up didn't help; my nightmares continued, even with my eyes wide open and my mind fully alert. But those were the kind of nightmares that I could bear.

The night was cold, and my bed felt damp. My heater was broken so I had to work with what I had, bundled in heavy clothes and my winter coat, buried beneath my thin covers.

When the sun rose, I tiredly got out of bed, sleep having abandoned me long ago. Once my feet touched the floor, I felt dizzy and nauseated. Every bone in my body ached, and my head was already pounding. When I swallowed, it felt like sandpaper attacking the inside of my throat.

Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I felt angry. I knew I was getting sick. I couldn't afford to be sick, not now, not later, not anytime soon.

Out of habit, I got in the shower, then remembered I didn't have any hot water. For the millionth time, I tried to take that much needed morning bath with freezing cold water. Gritting my teeth, I washed my lady bits, feet, and arms, then I hurried out of the shower, shivering and shaking violently. I dressed as quickly as possible, put my coat back on, and left the lousy place I called mine.

When the cold wind hit my face, I could have sworn that outside was warmer than my bed. I've lost count of the times I've wished the useless sun in Forks would shine brighter, but it seems like an impossible dream in this shithole.

The sun barely ever visited Forks.

Still, I'd take the cold, the dark, the pain any day, anytime, over the warmth and comfort of my mother's house back in Arizona.

My gloves had more holes than Swiss cheese, but they were all I had, and by this point, I didn't care about my appearance. I just needed to make it to the mall so I could feel warm again.

If there was anything I was grateful for, it was the fact that the shop where I worked was only three blocks away. True, I almost froze to death most days on my way to and from my crappy apartment – but at least I didn't have to pay for gas or a ride there.

It was almost 8:00 AM when I made it to work. I walked past the closed stores, only a few of them getting ready to start their business day. I said 'Hello' here and there, then settled for mere smiles and nods when even that small word hurt my throat.

As I passed the bakery, my stomach grumbled when the smell of freshly baked banana bread hit my nose. It had been more than two days since I had eaten, and I wondered how long I would be able to stand the hunger alongside everything else.

I never really liked banana bread, but I was close to the point of eating dirt. Sadly, not even dirt was easy to get; there was only snow everywhere I looked.

My hands shivered, making it difficult for me to hold the keys, and it took me a few tries to unlock the door to the cosmetics store where I worked.

Since it was an hour before opening time, I locked the door again once I stepped inside. I knew exactly where the things I needed were and could almost get them all blindly. The guilt I felt the first few times I did this eased as the days passed. The only thing I felt now was the hope that my boss, Mrs. Coper, would never find out about my thieving.

In the tiny bathroom at the back of the store, I used the free samples I took to take better care of myself. I washed my hair with some shower gel, knowing it would make my hair drier than a desert, but it was all I could steal today. I had to be careful not to get caught.

When I finished with my hair, I put the toothpaste on my pointer-finger and spread it all over my teeth. I didn't have a toothbrush nor the money to buy one, so my finger would do.

When I was done, I could say that I looked decent. My hair was styled into a loose braid – the only hairdo I could manage with my semi-wet hair – and my uniform of a black blouse and skirt looked clean enough to pass Mrs. Coper's appraisal. It was all I needed.

By 9:00 AM, the doors to the store were wide open, and I waited in the middle of it for possible clients. My hands were behind my back as I stood as straight as a soldier, a small smile plastered on my face.

My throat was killing me, and the pain in my bones was becoming unbearable as the time passed. But what I hated most was the throbbing headache that made everything around me foggy and unclear.

When Mrs. Coper appeared, holding a cup of coffee, it took all of my might not to throw myself at her, snatch the cup from her hand, then drink it all in one gulp.

My thoughts still revolved around my boss' coffee when I heard her screaming my name. I didn't know why she sounded so concerned, almost frightened, but I couldn't see her. My vision was blurry, and wouldn't clear no matter how much I squeezed my eyes tight shut and re-opened them.

"Bella? Bella?" That was a voice I didn't recognize, a man's voice. A stranger. I found it difficult to focus with all the pounding in my head. My eyes found only darkness whether closed or open.

"Can you hear me, Bella?" the man asked, and I couldn't understand why he kept repeating my name when I obviously had responded to him more than once.

_Or had I?_ I couldn't be so sure, and I didn't understand what was happening.

"Oh, God! Oh, God! What's wrong with her?" Mrs. Coper asked, but I couldn't figure out who she was talking about.

"How long has she been unconscious?" the man asked.

"I don't know! Five minutes? Poor Bella! She's such a hard worker." Mrs. Coper's voice was worried.

_Unconscious? Me? What the hell?_

"Bella? Can you hear me?" the stranger repeated.

"Maybe we should call an ambulance," another unknown voice suggested, and I found myself struggling with all of my might to open my eyes. I fought harder to open my mouth and tell them that I was awake.

"N-no …" I whispered, my throat hoarse and my head throbbing. "No ambulance."

"Oh, Bella! Thank God!" Mrs. Coper exclaimed. "You scared us!"

Somebody helped me sit up on the floor, and I tried to take in my surroundings. Now I understood what Mrs. Coper meant by 'us'; the store was full of people, curious about the silly sales girl who passed out while at work.

I was positive that nobody was 'scared' as Mrs. Coper put it, not even Mrs. Coper herself. She just liked to exaggerate things.

"I'm sorry." My voice was still low. I felt so tired.

"Don't be", said the man who had called my name. I blinked a few times to get a clearer look at him, and although my vision was still clouded, I could tell that he was handsome.

Blonde hair, blue eyes and broad shoulders. He looked freshly shaved and neat, not even one hair out of place. I guessed he was no more than thirty-five.

I attempted to smile, but as tired as I was, it probably looked like a grimace.

"Has that happened to you before?" the handsome man asked.

"No." I lied, shaking my head slightly. The small movement made my head pound even harder. From the corner of my eye, I could see Mrs. Coper as she told the gathered passersby to get on their way.

"Okay, then. Do you feel like you can get up?" I didn't answer him, simply braced myself on my hands and stood. I felt dizzy all over the second I did, and almost lost my balance.

Luckily, the man caught me before I fell back to the floor. His grip was firm, but not painful. Still, I couldn't stand his touch, and I had to take a half step back.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Have you eaten anything today?"

I frowned and my scalp tensed as the throbbing intensified. I appreciated the concern he seemed to have, but I didn't like the attention. I _hated_ attention. Attention meant trouble.

"I need to get back to work," I told him, looking down.

"Listen, Bella… may I call you Bella?" I nodded, guessing that Mrs. Coper told him my name. "My name is Carlisle Cullen. I'm a neurologist, and I wish to help."

I paused for a moment, finding it odd that someone would offer to help without wanting something in exchange. The least of it would be money, and I had none of that.

"I feel fine," I lied.

"You don't look fine, to be honest. As a doctor, it's my obligation to tell you that you should get a checkup. From what I can tell, you seem to have general weakness, and you might be anemic."

He was probably right, but I didn't care. "I will. Thank you." I offered him a small smile.

Dr. Cullen looked at me for a moment too long, and it made me uncomfortable. It seemed like he knew I was lying. I decided to excuse myself and get back to work, not that there were any customers in the store as it was always slow this time of day, but I needed to end that conversation.

Before I could say anything, the doctor reached inside his jacket, taking out a pen and pad of paper. He started writing something as he spoke. "This is some medication you can get over the counter. It will help until you book an appointment with your doctor." He offered me the paper.

To be honest, I was speechless. I didn't remember the last time someone was nice to me. I knew I couldn't buy the prescription, but I took it from him anyway.

"Thank you. I really appreciate this." My smile was true this time, especially since he seemed to be a genuinely nice person.

"You're most welcome. I hope you feel better soon," he said before he left the store. I had a strong feeling it wouldn't be the last time we'd meet.

But I could be wrong.

A soft smile remained on my lips for a while. It had been so long since I felt like I mattered. Not that I was important to anyone, but I felt like a human being, one who had rights and feelings.

But not long after, I mentally slapped myself for forgetting how unworthy I was, just because a stranger was kind to me. I was so stupid.

The smart thing was to hope, wish, and pray that whatever weakness and dizziness I felt would go away without killing me. Because there was no way I would willingly go to a hospital.

I was exhausted, but I sucked it up and finished my shift. Then I headed back to the shithole and the insanely uncomfortable thing that passed for a bed. Just like every other night, as darkness consumed the city of Forks, I once again waited for sleep with trepidation.

_When I'm going to start getting used to it?_ I wondered, _when I'm going to accept the fear and stop fighting? _and the answer was clear in my thoughts: _When the sun goes down, there is no escape from my nightmares,._

**~WtSGD~**

**Author note: **

_Thank you so much, guys! I did NOT expect this amazing welcoming. _

_Over 200 follows and the story is not even posted yet? I CAN'T!_

_It feels so, SO, good to write FF again. I regret not writing anything for the past two years. It hurts! :( _

_Let's change that now! I'll be posting weekly!_

**A question:** What do you think has happened to Bella? Who are the people she escaped from? 

**The correct answer will get an **_**early**_** update, and a mention on the next chapter. Yay!**

Leave your answer in a review and/ or on my Facebook group: (CozItRunsInMyBlood)

Until we meet next Saturday…  
Love and kisses.

_Cozy._


	3. Chapter 2

**SM owns Twilight.**

**(CozItRunsInMyBlood /Rose B. Mashal) owns the plot.**

**(BandMum) is the wonderful beta.**

**(hlsmith) is my amazing pre-reader.**

**Chapter 2**

"_Sweet, sweet Bella. Always so warm, so soft."_

The memory of his voice, the stench of his breath, and the heaviness of his sweaty body invaded my brain. It was so vivid, I couldn't breathe.

"Let go!" I screamed at the top of my lungs and sat up in my bed. There was no way I could figure out if that was a dream or just me hallucinating. Whatever it was, I was glad it wasn't real. Well, not anymore.

As I got out of bed, I was aware that my temperature was high. I was sicker than yesterday when I passed out, but I had no option other than to get up and go to work.

Simply walking was a huge struggle; my knees were shaky and every muscle in my body ached. I had no idea how much more stress my body could handle before giving up.

I didn't think it would be long, but I knew I would fight until my last breath.

In my mind, I found it difficult to believe that cold and fever would kill me, and so easily, at that. It was unbelievable to think that after all I had been through, and after all I fought against, that I would let illness take me. It was impossible.

I was determined to continue fighting; if I wanted to die, I would've committed suicide a long time ago. I would've done it the first time _he_ touched me two years ago. But I didn't want to die, not this way.

I moaned as I took the few steps to the bathroom. My head was throbbing, pounding so hard that for a moment I thought maybe someone was outside hitting the wall with a hammer.

My vision was blurry. I barely managed to splash my face with water and straighten out the clothes I had slept in, failing completely to even look decent. Just one glance at the paleness of my face or the dark circles under my eyes and one would think I was a drug addict.

I don't have any memory of walking out the door of my place, nor do I remember if I locked it behind me. It was a struggle to put one leg in front of the other as I tried to make my way to the mall. Besides my legs barely holding my body up, the weather was freezing cold. I wondered for a moment if it was still September; maybe I lost track of time and this was December? I had no clue.

With each breath I took in, it felt like sharp knives were being stabbed into my throat and lungs. With every breath I let out, I felt like I was releasing the remains of my soul with it.

It was very difficult to keep my eyes open, and when I did I could barely see anything. My eyes were useless either way, and I worried if arriving to work in this condition would be the last straw for Mrs. Coper. I wondered if she would kick me out today. Looking as I did, I couldn't blame her.

Suddenly, I felt sharp pain at the back of my head. Numbness started to crawl up my body, and I realized I had slipped on ice and fallen to the ground. I tried to get up but nothing I did was helping to get back on my feet. I couldn't move in the slightest; not one muscle in my body cooperated with me.

A moment later, I realized that getting up just wasn't going to happen. So, I surrendered to the darkness that was starting to consume my every sense. It wasn't at all bad. At least this was a piece of darkness that didn't include nightmares.

~WtSGD~

I heard noises around me. People were talking. Strangers. I didn't recognize any voice I was hearing. Heck, I couldn't recognize words.

My head was so heavy, pounding even more aggressively than before. I felt so much pain all over my body, but I was also scared, and I knew I had to get up and flee.

It took me a few minutes to remember I had slipped, and I realized that I wasn't on the icy ground any longer. I actually felt a bit warmer; hurt, but warm.

As minutes passed, I became more aware of my surroundings. With each new realization, I grew even more frightened. My head wasn't the only thing in my body that was pounding, and when I heard the siren, my heart almost burst out of my chest.

My eyes snapped open, and I saw the paramedic sitting beside me. I could feel something squeezing tightly on my upper arm, and I realized that she was checking my blood pressure.

I gulped audibly, but the pain in my throat didn't feel as bad as it had this morning, and I vaguely wondered how that was even possible.

When I comprehended that I was lying on a stretcher in an ambulance, my chest heaved as my breath quickened with panic.

"Hello, Miss. Can you tell me what your name is?" the paramedic asked in a sweet voice.

"Bel-…" I was about to tell her my name, but then remembered that I shouldn't.

"Bell? Your name is Bell?" the lady asked.

"I... uh, I don't know," I lied, my voice hoarse and low.

"Okay. Do you remember what happened?"

"N-no."

"You hit your head pretty badly. Try to relax; we're on our way to the hospital," she told me, and I almost had a panic attack right then.

I could feel the throbbing pain in my head, but I couldn't care less what kind of injury I had. All I cared about was getting out of this ambulance. There was no way I would let them take me to the hospital and dig for my identity. No way.

"I- I feel okay. No need for a hospital." I tried to sit up, but the paramedic stopped me.

"Please, stay still. You're injured," she told me, then she turned to the paramedic who was driving and called, "Mike, report that we need a neurologist, as well."

Fear consumed my every sense as I thought of how I would be identified at the hospital, and how _they_ could find me that way. I could never allow that to happen. I had to run.

The most brilliant idea I could come up with was to flee the second the ambulance doors opened. However, it might be difficult with all the straps securing me on the stretcher. Then I thought, maybe I could escape once I was in the ER. But I knew that there might be many people there who would try to stop me.

My eyes stung with my unshed tears, as it seemed that there was no way to escape this situation. I couldn't believe that after all this time living in hiding, that I would be exposed so easily. I hated myself for getting sick, and I hated myself for not being more careful as I walked.

A few more minutes passed, and the paramedic named Mike spoke to the woman beside me. "Jessica, we have to take another way. I was just advised that this road is iced over. It might take a little longer to get to the hospital. Will the delay affect the patient?"

"No, she's stable. Do what you have to," the paramedic called Jessica replied before turning to me. "Hold on, Miss. We'll get there soon."

If she only knew I didn't want to get there at all.

My stomach was in knots. I felt the urge to vomit, although I knew very well that there was nothing in there to actually throw up. The motion of the ambulance wasn't helping, making the churning in my stomach unbearable.

"I'm going to be sick," I announced breathlessly as I tried to get up.

The paramedic acted quickly, placing a blue plastic bag in front of my mouth, while her other hand unfastened the strap around my chest that held me to the stretcher.

As expected, I only dry-heaved and didn't actually puke. I was mostly grateful for the strap I just lost; one down, two more to go.

The siren was driving me crazy, but the pounding in my head was getting slower and duller. I realized that the paramedics must have injected me with some painkillers.

"Oh, c'mon!" I flinched as I heard Mike yell. He then started complaining about the traffic on the new road he took, and that people weren't clearing the way fast enough.

Mike seemed very nervous as he kept yelling at the cars in front of him. When we came to a sudden stop, he jumped out of the ambulance as if he could clear the road by himself.

"Mike! Mike! Dear God!" Jessica called after him. Turning to me, she said "It's ok. I'll be right back." Then she opened the rear doors and got out as well, apparently following her co-paramedic.

Maybe the road wasn't clearing up fast enough for the ambulance to pass through, but it was magically clearing up for _me_. Here was my best chance, my _only_ chance to escape. I had to take it.

Without further thought, I sat up and unclasped the straps across my knees and my feet. Then I moved off the stretcher, groaning as sharp pain hit every inch of my body when I stood.

I willed my knees to stop shaking. I willed my breaths to even out, and I willed my body not to collapse right then and there.

The noise of honking cars and the ambulance siren, along with all the yelling of angry drivers late for work, made it almost impossible for me not to scream along with them, due to the throbbing in my head.

Maybe they didn't inject me with painkillers after all.

I wasn't sure which would be better, if I should run, or quickly walk away from the ambulance. I knew that running might result in me slipping yet again, and that would cause more trouble than I was already facing.

I decided that taking fast, but steady, steps would be the better choice, and my exhausted body agreed. I was never going to be able to run anyway, not with this tremor in my knees.

"Hey!" I heard someone call out, and I walked faster. I didn't know if it was a man or a woman who spoke, or if they were even talking to me. Still, I walked as fast as possible, and didn't look back.

My trembling legs took me to a side road, and then to a small alley off a backstreet. I knew those alleys by heart; I lived in them for months. I knew exactly where to find a place an ambulance couldn't go through. And I knew how to hide very well.

When I was positive that nobody was running after me, I slowed down to catch my breath. It was extremely difficult and painful to do something as simple as breathing, and I was aware of how ill I was. But I would take the pain over having to go to a hospital and risk being exposed.

I sat down on a wooden box thrown next to a dumpster. The fact that the alley was small would make it a little bit warmer than the main street, and the dumpster would help shield me from the wind.

I had done it million times before. This would be the safest and warmest place to hide until I was sure nobody was following or searching for me. Then I would figure out how to get back to my place without having to walk so much. My body couldn't handle it.

I was aware that I was feverish, and there was no way Mrs. Coper would let me work in this condition. I decided not to go to the mall. She probably would fire me the next time she saw me, if I went back at all. She had made it clear that I would have no days off, no excuses.

I missed the times when I had money to go to a café and order a cup of coffee or hot chocolate. But if I had that kind of money right now, I would use it for a ride back to my apartment.

I always prioritized safety over food, drink, or warmth; it was all I cared about. I wasn't feeling one hundred percent safe at the moment, but I was getting there. I was going to reach safety. Someday. I had to.

I hugged my knees to my chest in an attempt to warm myself. I guess I dozed off, because the next thing I knew, I heard a familiar voice calling my name.

"Bella? Can you hear me?" For a second, I thought I had gone back to the time I had passed out in the store, with that handsome doctor trying to get me to wake up. It sounded exactly like him.

"Huh?" was all I managed to say before I opened my eyes, only to realize that I hadn't gone back in time, nor was I even dreaming. I was still in the tiny alley, curled up on the wooden box beside the dumpster, close to freezing to death, and the very handsome doctor I was just thinking about was right there in front of me.

"C'mon, Bella, let's get you out of here," Dr. Carlisle Cullen said, offering me his gloved hand.

A million questions invaded my mind at that moment, and the most niggling one was how he had found me. When he took a step closer, his hand reaching even nearer, I had no idea if I should take it.

~WtSGD~

**Winner of the week is****: ****_lillianolivia white_**

**Author note: **

_Thank you so much for your reviews, guys!  
Your feedback is just AWESOME! I loved each one of them.  
_  
**A question:** How was Carlisle able to find Bella?

**The correct answer will get an **_**early**_** update, and a mention on the next chapter. Yay!**

_Leave your answer in a review and/ or on my Facebook group._

_Join my readers' group if you haven't yet. It's so much fun in there. (CozItRunsInMyBlood)_

_Until we meet next Saturday…  
Love and kisses. _

_Cozy._


	4. Chapter 3

**SM owns Twilight.**

**(CozItRunsInMyBlood /Rose B. Mashal) owns the plot.**

**(BandMum) is the wonderful beta.**

**(hlsmith) the amazing pre-reader.**

**Chapter 3**

My vision was blurry, and I couldn't concentrate at all, or remember most of what happened after Dr. Cullen woke me. I remembered taking his hand; I remembered getting in his car, and hesitantly giving him my address. I remembered the warmth. But that was about it.

The pain I felt all over my body was unbearable. I didn't think there was any part left to hurt. Heck, I could feel the pain in my ears, fingers, eyes and even my toes. What drove me crazy was the fact that it wasn't even the flu. I didn't have a stuffy or runny nose, nor was I coughing. The sickness seemed concentrated in my aching bones and the constant pounding in my head.

When we made it to my studio apartment, I was afraid to have Dr. Cullen there. I wanted to thank him for the drive home, and then ask him to leave. But it hurt to talk, and after he'd done me this huge favor, I thought it would be rude to kick him out.

I was grateful that there was a tiny part of my brain still thinking reasonably. I realized that even if Dr. Cullen was evil, there was no way I could fight him; I was much too weak.

"May I come in?" Dr. Cullen asked, and the question struck me as silly. He was pretty much the only reason I was still on my feet, since he was basically holding me up. If he didn't come inside, I would probably end up on the ground again.

It didn't make sense in my throbbing head to refuse, so I nodded.

"I'm sorry? I didn't catch that," he said. I thought that was a bit weird; I didn't speak, I only nodded, and he was looking at me. How come he didn't 'catch it'?

"Yes," I whispered. Dr. Cullen smiled, and took my key from me. Once inside, I remembered him placing me on the bed. I recalled looking up at him and thinking that his designer suit and winter coat made him look out of place in the middle of the garbage can that was my apartment.

That was the last thing I remembered of that night.

~WtSGD~

I was awakened by the undeniable need to use the bathroom. The sunlight made its way through the window, and I realized that a new day had come. My body still felt heavy, but I could tell that I had improved a little bit.

My first thoughts were whether Mrs. Coper would take me back if I went to work today. It wasn't likely that she would forgive me for skipping work yesterday, but I hoped she would take pity on me, knowing how sick I was. I did pass out right in front of her, after all.

Then again, she had made it clear that I would have no days off, and she wasn't going to take any excuses. I decided to think about that later; I needed a clearer mind to be able to figure everything out.

"Ow!" I yelled as I tried to get out of bed. Looking down, I noticed a cannula inserted in the back of my hand. My frown deepened as I started questioning how it got there.

A minute later, everything came rushing back; I remembered that Dr. Cullen brought me home in his car. I didn't remember him inserting the cannula or examining me. But since I definitely felt better, I guessed he had treated me.

The thought of him examining me while I was unconscious was starting to freak me out, but then I realized that I still had all my clothes on from yesterday morning. That, at least, was comforting.

In less than two minutes, I used the bathroom and slid back into bed, sleep quickly taking hold of me again.

~WtSGD~

The next time I woke up, I was uncomfortably sweaty. It took me a few moments to comprehend that the apartment was warm, and I wondered if I was hallucinating again.

I sat up in bed, only to realize I was now connected to a slowly dripping IV. Before I could wonder if Dr. Cullen had returned, I noticed a heater near my bed. My eyes almost bugged out of my skull.

"What on earth?" I asked aloud.

"You were going to freeze to death without any heat." The voice came from the corner of the semi-dark room, and I gasped. Dr. Cullen was sitting on an old chair near the end of the bed.

I couldn't believe he had come back. Now he was giving me more medication, and to top it all off, he got me a heater!

_Was there a limit to his kindness?_ I wondered. _Or was it really all about kindness?_

"You startled me," I told him, not knowing what else to say.

"I'm sorry, Bella."

"I- … the heater. I don't have electricity," I said as my cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

"I've noticed you don't have electricity," he said, and I looked down at my lap. "Nor food, nor furniture. You barely own any clothes, Bella."

I didn't know how, or what, to reply to him, so I ended up saying nothing.

When I remained silent, he continued, "The heater runs on a battery that I charged at home. I will recharge it when necessary, so don't worry about it."

I nodded, still embarrassed.

I heard him sighing. "How do you feel now? Any better?"

"Yes, sir. Thank you."

"Good. I gave you an antipyretic, painkillers, and some vitamins to keep you alive." He said, "Whatever you have that's causing the blackouts – I haven't treated it yet."

"Yo-you haven't examined me?" Although I was still in the clothes I wore yesterday, I needed to ask. I knew that confirmation would ease the part of my mind that was still anxious.

"No. I'm not sure if you were having nightmares, but you kept saying 'Don't touch me'. So, I didn't."

I looked down again, imagining my face was redder than a lobster. My embarrassment mingled with my worries and fear. Who knew what else I might have said in my sleep? I hoped that whatever it was, wasn't something too serious. Though, if it was, Dr. Cullen wasn't showing it.

As a matter of fact, his face was too blank, clear of any emotions. I couldn't tell what he was thinking or read him at all. It was frustrating; I always read people so well.

"It wasn't directed to you," I told him, my voice so low I wondered if he heard me.

"To whom, then?"

I shook my head slightly. "Nobody." There was no way I was going to give him the answer to that.

Silence blanketed the room for a minute or two; the only sound that cut through was my stomach growling dramatically. I was grateful that Dr. Cullen wasn't close enough to hear it.

"When was the last time you ate?" he asked, and I wondered if he actually could hear the noises my stomach was making from where he was sitting. But it couldn't be possible; it must have been a coincidence.

"I don't – I don't remember."

Dr. Cullen gave me a knowing look, then got up. He took something out of a bag that rested on the nightstand beside my bed, then offered it to me.

"I brought you some chicken soup," he said. "Eat it, please."

I stared at him. I couldn't understand why he was doing all of this. I wanted to ask a thousand questions, and I wanted to tell him a million words, but I spoke none.

I thought maybe I was dreaming; all of this could be a dream. A nice dream. A dream where I was warm, and not in so much pain. A dream where warm chicken soup was waiting for me, brought by a nice guy who acted like he cared, for no reason at all.

Maybe I didn't mind living the dream.

I took the container from him, and said a small "Thank you." The container had kept the food warm, and I knew I would be savoring the hot soup as fast as I could.

I didn't care how pathetic I looked as I feasted on the soup like a cavewoman. It tasted great, but swallowing wasn't at all pleasant. When I finished, my stomach was again growling, but for different reasons.

"I'm going to be sick." I hurried to the bathroom. Dr. Cullen acted quickly, holding my IV as he trailed behind me. I couldn't make it to the toilet; it was just a step away from the sink, but that was the furthest I could get.

If I was embarrassed before, I was beyond that now. He held my hair out of the way for me with his free hand, telling me that it was okay every time I told him that I was sorry.

When I got back to my bed, Dr. Cullen was busy hanging the IV bag back in place. I took the time to catch my breath and try to quiet the thoughts in my head. There were too many, and I couldn't seem to be able to control them.

"The IV will finish soon. Only one left to go. I'll have to come back tomorrow if that's okay with you, Bella."

Instead of thanking him, the niggling thought made its way out of my mind and played on my tongue. "Why are you doing this?" I asked abruptly.

"Doing what? The IV?" he asked, although I had a feeling he knew exactly what I meant.

"The heater, the drive home, the treatment. Why are you being so kind to me? I'm a stranger." It wasn't making a bit of sense in my head. The only thing I could think about was that he wanted something in return. But I literally had nothing to offer him. Nothing. Well, maybe just one thing – but I'd rather die first.

Dr. Cullen returned to his seat by the end of my bed, and smiled softly before replying. "I'm not sure. Maybe because my wife would've killed me if I left you to die when I knew you needed help."

"Die?" Although in the back of my mind I was aware that I was slowly dying by living this way, it still felt horrible to hear it from somebody else.

"Yes, Bella. You were going to freeze to death if I left you in that alley where you were hiding. If not, then here in this – _place_." He said the last word as if he was trying really hard not to use another word and offend me. "You need a checkup; you don't look very healthy."

I looked down again, and it seemed that it was all I could do to escape replying to him.

"Bella, may I ask, how old are you?"

My cheeks heated up again. "Twenty … twenty-two." I said with hesitation.

"Don't lie to me, Bella. I saw your teeth when I checked your airway at the shop. I can tell you're not even eighteen yet."

I swallowed thickly; I didn't know that doctors were able to figure that out just by looking at your teeth. "Almost eighteen. My birthday is on the 13th of this month."

Dr. Cullen smiled again. "That's ten days from now. Well, in case I can't say it on the 13th – happy birthday to you."

It was my turn to smile. "Thank you." Maybe Dr. Cullen was truly a good person, and not looking for something in exchange for his help. Or maybe, like he said, his wife would've killed him.

"So, do you often do things because you're scared of your wife's reaction?" I meant to sound funny, but I guess I failed, because something changed in Dr. Cullen's eyes when I said that.

"She scared me, yes. But only because I never wanted to upset her. I never wanted her to be mad at me, or cause her to shed one tear of sadness. So, yes, she scared me that way." His smile was sad, "She was the kindest woman on planet Earth."

I gaped at him, "Was?"

"Yes, was. She passed away five years ago." He pressed his lips into a tight line.

"I'm so sorry, Dr. Cullen." I always hated those words being said to a grieving person, but it was all I could think of. It seemed that he was deeply hurt by her death, even after so many years.

"I'm sorry, too." He paused for a second, then asked the questions I had been fearfully anticipating since I told him my age. "So, I told you about my wife; will you tell me about your parents now? Where are they? And how did you end up living like this?"

~WtSGD~

**Winner of the week is****: brittany86**

**Author note: **

_We just passed 100 reviews. How awesome is that? Do you think we can get past 150 this time?_

_Your reviews feed the muse. Keep them coming. :)  
_  
**A question:** Do you think Carlisle is being honest about why he's helping Bella? Or there's something else? If so, what could it possibly be? 

**The correct answer will get a mention on the next chapter. Yay!**

_Leave your answer in a review and/ or on my Facebook group._

_Join my readers' group if you haven't yet. It's so much fun in there. (CozItRunsInMyBlood)_

_Until we meet next Saturday…  
Love and kisses. _

_Cozy._


	5. Chapter 4

**SM owns Twilight.**

**(CozItRunsInMyBlood /Rose B. Mashal) owns the plot.**

**(BandMum) is the wonderful beta.**

**(hlsmith) is the amazing pre-reader.**

**Chapter 4**

My heart skipped a beat. Although I knew these questions were coming, I still didn't know how to answer them. I didn't want to lie to him, not after he had shown me nothing but kindness since we met. I also couldn't tell him the truth; who knew what he would do with the information.

So, I decided to tell him exactly how I felt. "I don't really… I don't want to talk about that." At least I wasn't lying to him.

Dr. Cullen was quiet for a moment, his eyes studying me, "Okay, I understand that. Will you at least tell me why you don't want to go to a hospital?"

I looked at him with shock, surprised that he noticed that. "Who said I don't want to go to a hospital?"

"I saw how terrified you were at the shop when someone suggested calling an ambulance. Then I heard about the brunette who was found unconscious just a block away from the mall, who was picked up by an ambulance, and escaped from it, despite her injuries. I only had to put two and two together."

I gulped, "I just hate hospitals, that's all."

"Who doesn't hate hospitals?" Dr. Cullen smiled.

"Well, doctors, I guess."

"Oh, trust me, we do." He chuckled, probably just trying to lighten the mood, but I still wondered if I could do just that – if I could trust him.

Not a moment later, I realized how stupid I was to even consider it. I couldn't trust anybody. I never should.

After a few moments of silence, he asked, "Are you hiding from the police?"

I swallowed thickly, hesitant to give him any answer. "Uh, something like that."

He took his sweet time before speaking again, and I wondered if he would call me out right then and there. "What kind of crimes have you committed?" he asked, a serious expression on his face.

"Is it a grave crime to set a car on fire?"

"It depends," he said, and I wondered if he would ask how expensive the car was. But he didn't. "How much of an asshole was the owner of the car?" A hint of smile formed in his eyes.

"The worst kind of asshole," I replied almost instantly.

"Then it's not a grave crime at all, merely a case of arson." He smiled, "I could help you with it, Bella."

Although it was very generous of him, I shook my head in disagreement. "You can't." He didn't get it; it wasn't only about the car I burned. I only set the asshole's car on fire so that when he found me this time – he would kill me.

He was always able to find me, and always punished me harshly for escaping. I thought that it might not be such a bad thing if he killed me this time. At least I would know I'd tried my best to survive.

"I don't think there's anything that I can't do," he said with a raised eyebrow, pride and confidence in his eyes. But he didn't understand that The Asshole wasn't someone who could be played with. "Let me help you."

"I can't be helped, Dr. Cullen." I truly believed that my salvation would come with my coffin, but I didn't tell him that.

He sighed, then got up to check the IV. He stopped it after a minute to remove the tube from the cannula, then closed it up.

"Your last IV will be in twelve hours. I'll see you then." Once Dr. Cullen left, the loneliness returned immediately, almost as if he was never here.

~WtSGD~

After he was gone, my thoughts grew more anxious with every passing minute. I kept thinking that he might call the police on me, or he might search for my background and think he was doing something good by reuniting me with my parents.

I thought I should get up and leave before he came back. I thought I should search for a new place to hide. I thought I should disappear.

But what if I lost the only good thing that had happened to me in years? What if I would be running from my only chance of getting the help I needed to be able to live like a normal human being, and not a street rat?

I couldn't decide.

The night was darker than usual, and the fear inside my heart was a lot bigger than before. Someone had noticed me. That was never a good thing. It always led to trouble. Always.

Like most nights, falling asleep wasn't easy. I wasn't cold, thanks to the heater Dr. Cullen got for me, but I was terrified. I never wanted to close my eyes, never wanted to fall asleep, only to be awakened by nightmares.

I suppose I was actually too tired to stay awake, and eventually sleep won.

"_Why you keep escaping from me, Isa? Don't you miss how I keep you warm at night?" I felt his hand touching my wrist, pulling me closer, and I screamed at the top of my lungs._

"No! No! No!"

"Hey, hey! It's me." Dr. Cullen reassured me.

"Let go!" I gasped, yanking my hand away from his. He was holding it exactly the same way as The Asshole was in my nightmare.

"I'm not going to hurt you," he said quickly. "I was only trying to connect the IV without disturbing you." He waved the thin tube in his hand to prove it to me.

"Step back, please," I said breathlessly, holding my blanket close to me. I was struggling for air, terrified and feeling nauseous. At the back of my mind, I knew that Dr. Cullen was honest. He wasn't trying to hurt me, or touch me inappropriately; he was just trying to help. But I still couldn't bear the idea of him being so close, especially right after the nightmare.

He took a few steps back. "It's okay. You're safe," he said, but I could only gasp as I tried to steady my breathing. All I could do was hug my blanket like a shield, as if it would protect me.

I was pathetic.

After what felt like ages, I sat up in bed, more aware of my surroundings and with a slightly firmer grip on my feelings. My head bowed down as I spoke. "I'm sorry, sir. I had a bad dream."

"It's fine, Bella. I understand. May I?" He pointed to the cannula.

My response was only a shy nod as I bit down on my lower lip.

He made quick work of the IV, and when he was finished, he sat down on the chair at the end of my bed. "How do you feel today?"

"I'm better. Much better. Thank you," I said, though the words weren't enough to express how grateful I was. But I didn't know what else I could say.

"Good. I got you some food, and a few other things you might need." He gestured to my nightstand. There were restaurant sacks on top, and a couple of larger bags on the floor next to it. I wondered if I was dreaming.

"Dr. Cullen, this is too much."

"It's not, really. You didn't even check the bags, yet." He smiled.

"I'm just… I don't know how am I ever going to repay you," I told him, still not believing that someone could be this kind without wanting something in exchange. It was unreal.

"You don't have to repay me. Just pay it forward when you can."

I chuckled humorlessly. "I don't think I will ever be in a position where I can give things away. I mean, look at me."

"Your gifts don't always have to be material things, Bella. There are things that are priceless and cost you nothing at the same time. Things like giving up your seat on a bus to an elderly person or a pregnant woman, holding the door for someone, paying a compliment. A small smile could brighten someone's day; you never know."

I smiled. His words were wise and very truthful. "You're right. I could do that." Someday…

"Plus, you're still quite young. You'll grow up, get a decent job and have a good life. You only have to make the right decisions," he said, and I would've laughed at him if it weren't so rude. I couldn't see my future. I had no hopes other than to be safe and – well, alive. "I'm saying 'decent job' because – looking at everything – I can't imagine you're getting paid much at your current job."

"I'm not sure I still have a job. I haven't gone in for three days now."

"You didn't call…? You don't have a phone." Dr. Cullen said matter-of-factly. "How many sick days you have?"

"I don't really have a normal contract, sir. I don't actually have a contract at all."

He was silent for a minute. What he said next shocked me. "I expected it was something like that. You're working paperless?" When I nodded, he continued, "But you're an American citizen, correct?"

"Yes, sir."

"Then, why? Do you mind telling me?"

It was my turn to be quiet. I debated telling him, but he had already figured most of it out. I could give him some answers. But only a part of the truth.

"I don't have an ID. I was homeless for so long, and Mrs. Coper offered me the full-time job in exchange for living in this studio. She owns this place. I know she set rules that could cause me problems, like I can't call in sick or I'll be fired, but it was better than nothing. I can't complain."

"That's not reasonable at all, Bella. How much does she pay you?"

"Two hundred bucks, in cash."

"That is not good, at all. Not even close!" For some reason, Dr. Cullen sounded devastated.

"Well, I've only worked there for three months. The first month I was all right with the money she gave me. But last month, I was robbed, and I barely managed with the food I already had. I was supposed to get paid again the first of this month. But… I guess I won't."

"That's not fair. She took advantage of your situation. Two hundred dollars barely covers food expenses for one person."

"I mean, I didn't have to pay for rent, electricity or water…"

"What electricity are you talking about?" He seemed very confused.

"The studio needs a few repairs, but I can't afford it, so …" I shrugged. "I only want to have a roof over my head, Dr. Cullen. Anything is better than nothing."

He shook his head, apparently not liking what he heard. "The government could help you…"

Before he could finish, I interrupted. "I'm certain that I qualify for government assistance on many things, but I don't want to be identified, sir. Never." I started to get anxious again, worried that he might tell someone about me, thinking that it would be a good thing for me, but he would be so wrong. I was terrified.

"Okay. I understand that. Well, at least let me help you? Whatever it is you're running from, I can fight for you. We could work things out together."

I almost laughed; he wasn't aware of how evil the person I escaped from was. He would go above and beyond to hurt someone. He could easily hurt Dr. Cullen and make it look like an accident. He could ruin his life, just like he had ruined mine.

"Why do you want to help me so badly?" I asked. It didn't make a sense to me. Nobody was ever this kind to me. "Is it about your wife again? Would it make you sleep better at night?" I thought that maybe if I started being rude to him, he'd let go and leave me to fight my demons alone.

Dr. Cullen was making me feel as if there was still something good in this life. He was giving me hope. And I hated it. I was hopeless. I was helpless. I was pathetic.

He let out a humorless chuckle, "Trust me, I don't sleep that much, anyway." He paused for a moment. "I've done so many horrible things in my life, Bella. My wife changed me into a completely different person. I promised that I will help huma-… humanity as much as I can. You could say that I'm paying for my sins."

"Paying for your sins?" I smiled sadly. No matter what he had done, it couldn't compare to what The Asshole did to me, and so many other people.

"Yes. Let me save you from this situation, please."

"I can't be saved." I felt the tears burning my eyes, "I lost hope long ago."

A few minutes passed before he spoke again. "I respect your choice. But at least let me treat you. My oath as a doctor requires that I see to your medical needs and treat your illness."

"I feel fine, really."

"You're not, though. I see things you don't. Please, let me take you to the hospital for a checkup and some tests." He paused, then a twinkle appeared in his eyes. "So I can sleep well at night." He smiled, earning one from me in return. His determination to help me was heartwarming.

But he didn't understand…

"I can't go to a hospital."

Dr. Cullen drew in a long breath. "All right. Would you at least let me take a blood sample to run some tests? You won't have to go anywhere."

It wasn't that I didn't want to leave the dumpy apartment. I was sure that Mrs. Coper would show up to kick me out soon enough. It was my fear of … well, everything. But most of all, I didn't want to be seen. I wanted to stay hidden. For good.

My anxiety led me to think that Dr. Cullen could be just trying to identify me and find out my background. But that couldn't be true; he wouldn't just go and do a data search to match my DNA. It was crazy to think that.

But then again, how could I be sure that he wouldn't betray my trust? Everyone else did.

I was scared. So scared. I didn't know if I should agree.

~WtSGD~

**Winner of the week is****: Edward's blue eyed girl04**

**Author note: **

_Thank you so much for your awesome feedback. I love it!_

_Your reviews feed the muse. Keep them coming. :)  
_  
**A question: ****Do you think Bella should trust Dr. Cullen? And, why?**

**The correct answer will get a mention on the next chapter. Yay!**

_Leave your answer in a review and/ or on my Facebook group._

_Join my readers' group if you haven't yet. It's so much fun in there. (CozItRunsInMyBlood)_

_Until we meet next Saturday…  
Love and kisses. _

_Cozy._


	6. Chapter 5

**SM owns Twilight.**

**(CozItRunsInMyBlood /Rose B. Mashal) owns the plot.**

**(BandMum) is the wonderful beta.**

**(hlsmith) is the amazing pre-reader.**

**Chapter 5**

"This will hurt just a bit," Dr. Cullen said as he inserted a needle in my arm. I didn't look away. I didn't even flinch as the needle broke my skin and my friend started drawing my blood. "Tough girl," he teased.

My smile was sad when I replied to him, "I've seen worse, trust me,"

It was difficult to accept that someone felt for me, but when Dr. Cullen's smile dropped, it seemed like he was feeling sorrowful. I couldn't believe it, or at least I didn't want to. I was nobody. Nothing. Why would anyone care? It was ridiculous to imagine.

When the draw was finished and separated into lab tubes, he packed them into a small specimen container that kept them at the correct temperature.

"All set," he said, closing his medical bag, then standing up to leave. "The test results will come back in a few days. Your heaters batteries are charged for today. I'll be back tomorrow to replace them. Is there's anything that you need?"

"You've given me so many things already. I couldn't need anything more." I told him.

He shook his head. "I gave you enough things to help you survive, Bella, that's all. I hope that soon you'll trust me enough to let me help you to a better life. You're too young for all you're going through. You deserve more."

"You don't know that," I told him bitterly. "Maybe I'm a bad person. Maybe I deserve it all; the loneliness, the cold, the hunger, the poverty… You don't know me."

"I can read people's personalities easier than written words. I _know_ you don't deserve _this_." He sounded so confident that for a second, I almost believed him. I almost believed that I deserved more. But I knew better.

"See you tomorrow, Bella."

For some reason, I hated to see him go.

I had been so lonely for a very long time. I couldn't even remember when I felt like someone cared for me like Dr. Cullen seemed to. I had no friends, no caring parent, no siblings. I had nobody.

I realized he was helping me out of pity, but at least he did help me. He had spent most of the past few days doing nothing but taking care of me and my most basic needs. That was much more than anyone had done for me in years. Many, many years.

So, of course, I didn't want him to leave. But I had to smile and say goodbye, hoping that he would return tomorrow.

I was doing exactly what I prevented myself from doing for a long time; I was allowing myself to hope. I knew that by hoping, I was setting myself up for a huge disappointment. It had always been like that for me.

But I couldn't help it this time.

~WtSGD~

I counted the hours until Dr. Cullen's next visit. I couldn't stop thinking that he wouldn't come back. I kept thinking that he could dig for information about me, then call me out once he found who I was and what made me run.

The negative thinking wasn't new to me; it was what I did best. I realized I shouldn't be thinking that way, but I couldn't force myself to do otherwise.

If Dr. Cullen wasn't honest, at the very least the police would find out about me. Then the rest would come – my mother, my step-father… _God!_ I couldn't even think of it.

The longer I stayed alone with my thoughts, the more aggressive they became. Unfortunately, it was unavoidable. My mind kept playing scenarios that my anxiety invented again and again. I covered my ears with my hands but it didn't help; the scenarios came from inside my head, not outside – I was aware of that. But they were too loud, and for a moment, I thought maybe I could block them out.

I was mistaken.

At some point, I succumbed to sleep. I awoke from a horrible nightmare in which Dr. Cullen replaced The Asshole's image, and he was the one hurting me.

For the rest of the day, I couldn't shake the dream from my head. When Dr. Cullen came to change the batteries and give me a freshly made dinner, I couldn't even speak to him.

_Pathetic._

Perhaps he realized I was fighting demons in my head, as he didn't stay long. I was angry with myself for not even thanking him for his kindness, but then again, I guessed he probably knew what an awful, rude person I was by now. He was only helping me out of pity, after all, and to stick to his promise to his wife of helping humanity.

He was paying for his sins, he said. I certainly didn't deserve his help.

~WtSGD~

The next day, my anxiety turned to even nastier ideas about what Dr. Cullen could want from me in exchange for his help, but I fought them with all my might.

Sadly, my negative thoughts shifted from his intentions, to worry over the test results and how awful they could be. I knew quite well that I wasn't okay, but safety was my top priority. I didn't particularly care if I was healthy, as long as I was safe and away from the two people who hurt me the most.

As I waited for Dr. Cullen, I busied myself by tending to the garbage can I lived in. I don't know why I bothered since he already saw it at its worst, but it was a good way to distract myself from the chaos in my head.

When I finished, I was breathless, and the pounding in my head and ache in my bones were back. It seemed very weird since I had taken all the medications my good doctor friend got for me. But I supposed he was right, that whatever the cause, it hadn't been treated yet.

That train of thought took me back to what I was avoiding, and I started imagining that I might truly be very ill. This time, I couldn't shrug the thoughts away. And when Dr. Cullen walked through the door, I was instantly certain that the results were not good. His face said it all.

"Hello, Bella!" Dr. Cullen's smile was smaller than usual.

"Hey!" was all I said before I began chewing on my bottom lip from nerves.

He sat down on the chair which I deemed 'his', and seemed to be organizing his thoughts, I could tell he didn't know where to start, so I decided to make it easier on him: "Is there something you want to tell me?"

"Yes, Bella." He paused, "I actually have good news and bad news. Which one do you want to hear first?"

"The good news." I chose immediately, thinking that it would ease my worries to hear something nice. Also, I was curious to know what it could possibly be.

"I paid a small visit to Mrs. Coper at the mall today," he said, and my eyebrows shot up to my hairline.

"What? Why? What for?" I asked in one breath.

"To get your payment for the past month." He reached into his pocket and handed me two hundred dollars.

My jaw dropped. "Oh, my God!" I exclaimed, barely believing my eyes. "And she gave it to you, just like that?"

"She tried to be difficult, but I only had to hint that I would report her for hiring a minor for a full-time job, and paying her well below the minimum wage." Dr. Cullen relaxed in his seat and crossed his legs, giving me a smug look that made me giggle.

"Unbelievable!" I said, and after a moment I asked, "Were you really going to do that?" _Because if he did…_

"No, Bella. I wasn't going to report her. It would risk the authorities finding out about you. I only did what it took to force her to give you your hard-earned money. It's bad enough that she paid you so little."

My grin was genuine. "Thank you, Dr. Cullen. I really appreciate this."

"You're most welcome, dear," he smiled warmly.

"Actually, you should take the money," I said, as I offered it back. "I know it won't cover everything from the past few days, but…" I trailed off.

"Don't be silly. Keep the money."

"Please, I insist." I truly hoped he would take it; it didn't seem fair that he'd spent so much money on a perfect stranger.

"It's yours!" Dr. Cullen reached out to close my grip on the money in the most natural way people often did, but of course – I flinched away like a complete moron.

It wasn't the first time he touched my hand, but he always had gloves on. Something about not making skin-to-skin contact made me feel more comfortable when he drew my blood or gave me the IVs.

Now, he wasn't wearing any gloves, and the flinch back was a reflex. I hated being touched. I couldn't bear it.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry."

We spoke at the same time. I felt the heat creeping up my cheeks, and the atmosphere was awkward for a few moments before I started talking again.

"So, you said there was bad news?"

"I'm afraid so. I have your tests results." His face was stern, and I couldn't understand why he was being so dramatic. Even if I was very sick, I just needed the right medication. It couldn't be that bad: I wasn't trapped in bed twenty-four seven, and I felt okay.

"What? Am I going to die?" I chuckled. Dr. Cullen was unnaturally tense.

"Nothing is confirmed until I do a few scans. But given your test results – yes. You are dying."

As crazy as it seemed, I started to giggle. "We're all going to die, Dr. Cullen. We're all dying."

He frowned at my reaction. "Bella, this is serious."

"I'm serious, too." I said, "Plus, it can't be that bad. I feel fine."

"You feel fine because of all the pain killers you're on right now. The tests indicate a chronic illness, one you've probably suffered from since you were a child. You may have gotten used to the pain, but it will only get worse over the next few months. It won't stop until it kills you."

I gulped, finally realizing what he was saying. _I was going to die soon? I was going to be in a worse state than I was now? I was going to feel even more pain? _The questions invaded my mind.

"Kill me?" I asked in a low voice, my smile and giggles now gone. Only heartache and misery remained.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. You do need further tests, though, before anything is confirmed."

It didn't matter. He wouldn't have told me if he thought it wasn't serious. "What do I have?" My voice cracked.

"It's a rare disease called 'Maglos'. It's the main cause of your blackouts, but that's just a part of it. Maglos presents as increasingly intense localized pain. It works as a radical decay, destroying cells all over the body: muscles, tissue, bone, your brain will all be affected."

"Oh, God!" I breathed out, covering my mouth with my hand to muffle my cry. It sounded horrible.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." Dr. Cullen said sincerely.

"What percentage is curable?"

"Unfortunately, there is no cure for this disease yet."

"What?" I was shocked beyond words, "You mean I will die soon, for real? You weren't joking?" I held on to the tiniest of hopes.

"I wish I was, but it's not a laughing matter."

"Oh, God!" My heartbeat raced, and my breath hitched. "You're saying that I have an illness that has no cure, and I will die soon, writhing in pain and wishing for death?"

I wasn't really seeking an answer. My thoughts were so jumbled in my head that they poured from my mouth. There were too many emotions at once and I didn't know how I was going to live with this knowledge.

I was terrified.

"You can show your tests results to another doctor. Get a second opinion."

"So somebody else can tell me that I'm going to die? Forget it." Tears began to stream down my face. After all I had been through, I was going to die like this. "I can't believe I have a fatal disease and there's absolutely nothing that can be done about it."

"Bella, there may be something we can do."

~WtSGD~

**Author note:**

_I'm very sorry for not being able to update earlier. My youngest daughter just had a surgery and things were pretty awful in RL._

_Please, keep her in your prayers. She's been through a lot. :( _

_Your reviews feed the muse. Keep them coming.  
_  
**A question: Poor Bella! What do you think Carlisle will offer her?**

_Leave your answer in a review and/ or on my Facebook group._

_Join my readers' group if you haven't yet. I post teasers of next chapter on Wednesdays there. (CozItRunsInMyBlood)_

_Until we meet next Saturday…_

_Love and kisses._

_Cozy._


	7. Chapter 6

**SM owns Twilight.**

**(CozItRunsInMyBlood /Rose B. Mashal) owns the plot.**

**(BandMum) is the wonderful beta.**

**(hlsmith) is the amazing pre-reader.**

**Chapter 6**

My brow furrowed, and my teary eyes tightened with confusion at Dr. Cullen's words. "But you just said that there's no cure for the disease I have."

"There's no cure that the medical universe knows about. But I do."

"I don't- I don't understand." I was even more confused now. "You have the cure?"

Dr. Cullen sat on the edge of his chair, a stern look on his face as he spoke. "Bella, you need to be very open-minded for what I'm about to tell you, and try to understand."

I nodded.

"Good. First, I have to ask you; can you keep a secret?"

"I can." I was eager to know what all the fuss was about.

"Many years ago, I researched diseases similar to yours; diseases that kill people slowly. Many doctors don't know some of these exist, and when the patient dies, they can only say it was a sudden death due to unknown causes. I spent the majority of my time searching for the cure, and just last year I found it."

"What? That's great! How come nobody knows about it?" I knew that people don't keep things like this a secret . Hell, scientists who discover such things are often rewarded.

"Let's just say that the ingredients used to make the cure aren't, err, legal. I can't get a license for it, therefore, it would be very difficult to try it on humans," he explained, and somehow it all made sense.

"So, it was never tested?"

"It was, on a lab rat and a monkey with a similar illness."

"And? Did it work?"

"Only the monkey survived." Dr. Cullen's lips formed a thin line.

"But- but the monkey is now healthy, right?"

"He does look healthy, and his test results are great. But he can't exactly tell me what he's feeling. A human is needed for testing."

"A human with a rare disease, like me." I stated.

"Yes."

There was a long moment of silence; my eyes locked with Dr. Cullen's as I tried to figure out if he was being honest or making all of this up.

Maybe he was giving me false hope because he felt sorry for me and wanted me to die with a smile on my face. Maybe he was trying to get me to agree by saying that the monkey survived, just to get to test his cure on a human. I didn't know. The thoughts kept revolving in my head.

"Why didn't the rat make it?" I asked in a low voice.

"To be honest, I don't know. Probably because the monkey's biological system is larger and more complex than the rat's. Smokey was able to handle the adjustment process and side effects better."

"Adjustment process? What does that mean?"

He smiled softly, "There are many details involved in the treatment. We will discuss it all if you agree to the deal I'm offering you."

I already had a clue to what the deal could be, but I asked, anyway. "What kind of a deal?"

"Will you agree to have the cure tested on you? You'll be the first human to receive the treatment."

Dr. Cullen was always frank. He never tried to confuse me with his words or took a roundabout way to get to his point. I liked that about him, but this time I didn't feel like I was prepared to hear it. Things seemed to be going too fast and I couldn't begin to think if I wanted to agree to the deal and try that cure he was talking about.

"Why would I do that? What is in it for me?" I asked.

"If you agree to this, you'll be under my supervision for a couple of years. You'll have food, clothes, and shelter. All of your needs, not affected by the treatment process, will be met. And when the testing is over, I'll provide you with a job, a place of your own, and a decent sum of cash to start up your life with."

The offer sounded too good to be true. It was very tempting.

"What if it doesn't work? What if I die?"

"You're dying, anyway, Bella. But this way, you would die while serving an honorable cause. Plus, what do you have to lose?" His words stung the tiniest bit, but he was right.

"Is that why you choose me? Because I have nothing?"

Dr. Cullen's lopsided smile appeared as he shook his head. "I'm not trying to seduce you with my proposal. I offered you what I think could be a fair payment for what you'll have to experience."

I nodded, and after a moment of silence, I asked, "But if it works, how will you be able to face the world with a cure made of illegal things? What would be the point if you still couldn't use it?"

"I'll worry about that later. Right now, I just wish to help you. I want you to survive."

"Why?" It didn't make sense to me.

"You remind me of someone who wanted to live so badly, but I couldn't find a cure for her." I could see the sadness in his eyes bright and clear. Whomever that girl was, it was obvious that Dr. Cullen cared a lot about her. "She left behind a younger brother who would do anything for her but couldn't.

"He had to watch death taking her away so slowly. Then he spent the majority of his life studying medicine to help other people not feel the pain he once felt when his sister passed away."

"I'm so sorry for your loss, Dr. Cullen." I told him; it didn't take a genius to figure out that he was talking about his own sister. My heart broke for him.

Dr. Cullen nodded with a sad smile, apparently too upset to say anything in response. A few minutes later, he got up to leave. I wished he didn't have to.

"I'll give you some time to think. Whatever you choose, I'll support your decision and will help you as much as I can. I'm sure you'll choose wisely. Just don't forget that if things work out all right, you'll actually be able to live to celebrate your choices."

~WtSGD~

The heater worked just fine, but I felt colder than I'd ever been. I wasn't sad. I wasn't crying; I was empty inside.

I couldn't come up with a good reason for my existence, and thinking about it, I realized I was born to suffer. My whole life was miserable, and I just learned that I would die soon without accomplishing anything. Not one thing. I would die and not even one person would be sad. No one.

My chest felt hollow, but my eyes were dry, as was my throat. I wanted to curse, kick, and scream, but I didn't. I couldn't even feel sorry for myself; I was beyond that.

I ended up curled into a ball on the uncomfortable bed and wished the hours away. Maybe time would bring answers to my purpose in life.

I had no desire to fall asleep, and I was grateful for that. It meant that I didn't have to deal with my nightmares.

The more I thought about it, the sooner I wanted my death to come.

Just a few days ago, I thought that my life was getting better, that I would finally find peace and comfort now that Dr. Cullen was helping me. But I was such an idiot to think for the slightest moment that life was going to look up for me.

_Idiot!_ Why would things get better for me now? They never had.

Around seven, there was a knock at the door. It startled me at first, since I wasn't expecting anyone. After a moment, I thought that it might be Dr. Cullen, because, who else ever visited? But his knock was always very gentle, and this one wasn't. My emotions ran from fear to hope and back again.

Who could it possibly be?

Fear gripped me as I called out: "Who's there?"

Her voice was like a rusted hinge when she replied, "Mrs. Coper."

My hands shook as I cautiously opened the door. I was still afraid that she wasn't Mrs. Coper, although a visit from her wouldn't be pleasant. But at least, it wasn't him.

"Hello, Bella! May I come in?" Her face was blank, as it was most of the time; she only smiled at customers, and even those were as fake as her tan.

I nodded in response and moved aside to allow her in. I knew why she was here right away, and it only added to my misery.

She looked around the studio, and I would've laughed if I had it in me. It seemed like she was taking inventory of the sorry excuses for furniture in the place. I was sure she was trying to come up with something to get her two hundred dollars back.

When she found the bed, the nightstand, and the chair were still there, she spoke. "It's the eighth of the month and you were fired on the second of September, the day you stopped coming to the store."

"Yes, ma'am." I was aware of all that.

"So?" she motioned with her hands, as if telling me I was stupid not to get what she was saying.

"I'll – I'll leave the studio tomorrow." I said in a small voice.

"Today." She raised an eyebrow and gave me a hard look, daring me to say anything.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good. You owe me one hundred and seventy dollars for the extra week you spent here."

"What? That's insane! You know I don't have that kind of money." I was fighting hard not to start crying in front of her; this was so unfair.

"It's not my problem, Bella. Besides, you were just paid. Or didn't your oh, so scary pimp give you what he ripped off of me yesterday?"

"He's not a pimp!" I let go of all she said about me, and how she dealt with me, but I couldn't stand her saying that about the only man who had treated me with kindness.

"Sugar daddy, then. I don't care. Give me my money." She reached her hand out, palm up, and waited.

I didn't correct her; it didn't matter. Whatever she thought wasn't important. I reached in my pocket and handed her the two hundred dollars I had. I wanted her out of here as fast as possible.

Mrs. Coper put the money in her purse, then handed me thirty dollars back. "If you're still here by the end of the day, I'm calling the police." It was the last thing she said before she left.

I didn't cry.

As I started gathering up the few pieces of clothing I had, I tried to figure out how I was going to survive with only thirty dollars in hand. I was back to square one, or even less, now that I knew I was dying.

I put the clothes and what little food I had into my worn-out backpack. I looked around to see if there was anything left, but there was nothing other than the heater.

When I tried to pick it up, I found it to be extremely heavy, too heavy for me to carry around along with my backpack in this bad weather, especially since I already felt weak.

Regretfully, I had to leave it there. There was no way I could keep it safe, anyway; it could easily get stolen. I wondered if Dr. Cullen would visit again, and maybe find it and take it back.

I don't know how much I walked in that freezing weather, or even where I was going. I walked for miles and miles, feeling no appetite to eat or drink anything.

I sat at the station and watched buses coming and going, but I didn't take any of them. I had no idea what I was going to do next.

Dr. Cullen's offer was tempting. I could call him and end all this suffering, but I was afraid of the unknown. I was afraid of the treatment killing me in a horrible way, even worse than my illness would.

But would it be that bad? Would it be any more terrible than what I was already facing? I didn't know, but I doubted it.

When a woman sat beside me on the bench, I gathered all of my energy to ask if she'd allow me to use her phone to make a call. She was hesitant, as though she thought I would grab it and flee. I guess the sickly pallor of my skin and the dark circles under my eyes told her that I was in no shape to run. She gave it to me with a smile.

"Thank you," I smiled back as I took the phone. My voice was shaky; I wanted to cry, but I still held it all in.

My fingers hovered over the keypad. I desperately wanted to call my mother. I wanted to tell her that I missed her, that I needed to hug her and cry on her shoulder. I wanted to unload my troubles and tell her how badly life was treating me.

But I didn't. I was too afraid of her husband finding out where I was that way. It wouldn't be the first time. It was too risky. And my mother wouldn't actually listen. She wouldn't take me in her arms and tell me that everything would be okay. She never had, because she never cared.

My throat tightened when I realized I couldn't even complain to my own mother about how miserable I was. I had absolutely nobody. It led me to think that going into a medical experiment that might end up killing me wouldn't be such a bad thing. At least, then I would have died for a reason. My life wouldn't have been in vain.

I reached in my jacket pocket and took out the card Dr. Cullen gave me the first day we met. Without further thought, I dialed the numbers, then waited for the call to connect.

"I'm so sorry, but my bus is leaving. I have to go." The lady who was sitting beside me was now standing in front of me. It took me a moment to realize that she wanted the phone. I looked at the screen and saw it ringing, but Dr. Cullen didn't pick up.

"It's okay. Thank you." I gave the phone back to her and watched as she handed her suitcase to the driver before climbing on the bus. She chose a seat on the side farthest from me, and though I could no longer see her, I waited. She'd been kind. Loaning me her phone was more than my own mother would have done. I waited and watched the bus leave. Although she couldn't see me, I still waved goodbye.

When I left the bus station, I had a destination in mind. About ten minutes later, I entered the cemetery. I counted the graves until I reached the one I intended to visit.

I let my bag fall to the ground, then dropped to my knees next to it. Snow was falling, and it covered the headstone. I wiped it away with my hands, and my chest tightened when I read the inscription.

'Charles M. Swan. A beloved husband and father. 1967 – 2008'

I knew very well that my mother wasn't the wife who was meant by this. But I had wondered if I was thought of at all when they had it made.

After my parents divorced, they each moved on and re-married. My father had two boys who were probably teenagers by now. He forgot about me, but I never forgot about him.

I recalled the few times we met, and how nice he was to me. In the few hours I spent with him, he was kinder to me than my mother was throughout my life. I often wondered what my life would have been if he was still alive. I liked to think that he would have taken better care of me than my mother did.

My tears finally broke free, streaming down my face as self-pity flooded my senses I wanted to cry and cry until there were no tears left to shed.

When I felt someone standing in front of me, I knew who he was by the scent of his cologne. The snow stopped falling on my head, and I guessed he must have shielded me with an umbrella.

A wave of comfort washed over me when I realized he was there beside me. For some reason, I felt safe when he was near.

Through heavy tears, I spoke in a shaky voice, "If I die during the testing, I want to be buried here, beside my father." With those words, I agreed to Dr. Cullen's offer. At the time, I had no clue it would change my life forever.

~WtSGD~

**Author Note:**

_Longest_ chapter so far. Hope you liked it. ;)

I have a new book coming out in 20 days. It's available for pre-order on Amazon. Just google: **Heart of Steel** by **Rose B. Mashal**

**A question:  
Bella breaks my heart; do you think she did the right thing? **

_Leave your answer in a review and/ or on my Facebook group._

_Join my readers' group if you haven't yet. I post teasers of next chapter on Wednesdays there. (CozItRunsInMyBlood)_

_Until we meet later…_

_Love and kisses._

_Cozy._


	8. Chapter 7 Part 1

**SM owns Twilight.**

**(CozItRunsInMyBlood /Rose B. Mashal) owns the plot.**

**(BandMum) is the wonderful beta.**

**(hlsmith) is the amazing pre-reader.**

**Chapter 7 Part 1**

My tears felt warm against my cool skin as they slipped down my face. We were in Dr. Cullen's car on the way to his house, which must have been outside of the city, judging by the length of the drive.

Silence filled the space between us, broken only by the soft hum of the car engine and my quiet sobs. I couldn't control myself; I couldn't stop my tears. So many thoughts invaded my already troubled head, leaving me an emotional mess.

I was scared of so many things. I was anxious about whether Dr. Cullen was being honest with me, or if he was dragging me into a worse situation.

What if I was willingly walking into being a sex-trafficking victim? After all, I was the perfect pick for something like that. I had no family, no friends, and was hiding from the police. No one would ask about me or wonder if I disappeared. And I wouldn't go on my own to the police to report anything.

But then again, Dr. Cullen could have easily kidnapped me already if that was the case. He had more than one chance to do so. That couldn't be it.

He had been good enough to call the lady's number back, and then came to the station when she described me as the caller. He searched for me for God only knows how long until he found me in the cemetery. I had to believe he was a good person. I just had to.

The car slowed as we neared a large house at the end of the road. I wiped my tears with the back of my hand; there was no going back now. Going back would mean having to return to street life, where there was no roof above my head or a safe place to hide. Going back would mean dying slowly near some dumpster, if not killed by a criminal, or the cold, then by my rare disease.

There was no other way.

"We're here," Dr. Cullen announced as we approached his property. He stopped to allow a security scanner to read his face and the gates opened automatically.

"That's one big house," I said flatly. I didn't feel like making small talk with him right now; I was too anxious. But I didn't want to be rude.

He smiled, "That's where you'll live for the next couple of years."

_If I don't die during the testing_.

My response was nothing but a small smile that I barely managed to form on my lips. My heart beats raced against each other, and my stomach dropped as I stepped from the car and gazed at the elegant three-story house.

"Follow me, please." Dr. Cullen was holding my bag for me, and I couldn't help but think that an evil man couldn't do something nice so casually. I needed to stop thinking about the possibility of him being a bad guy.

To my surprise, he didn't go straight to the front door as I expected. Instead, he walked into the backyard and then opened a small door at the rear which I assumed led to the basement.

With careful steps, I followed him inside. The place was dark for a second before Dr. Cullen turned the lights on, and I realized that it was more than just a basement.

"This is my private lab where I do most of my research."

The private lab huge. It was a wide place full of computers, monitors, equipment, and so many cords and cables on the floor; I had no idea what any of them was connected to.

I looked all around, taking in the place I would spend so much time in for the next months and possibly even years. I noticed the glass boxes that held lab-rats, and I noticed the big metal cage that didn't look like it belonged to a small lab animal. A human could fit in there.

I gulped at the thought, and tried to keep my mind from wandering. It was only coming up with scary thoughts that wouldn't ease the anxiety I was already feeling.

At the right corner of the lab, I noticed a huge glass box that was similar to those in a zoo. I walked towards it slowly, eyeing the long tree branch inside that didn't look real to me. The rocky ground looked fake as well.

I didn't realize how close I was to the glass wall until my nose touched the cold surface. My frown deepened when I saw a half-filled water bottle thrown inside. Before I could think more about it, a brown figure hit my face hard. Or so I thought for a second before realizing that the thick glass prevented the hit.

"What the hell?" I cried out as I stepped back, hearing loud whooping coming from the little monkey inside the glass box. Then I heard Dr. Cullen's chuckles coming from behind me.

I turned around and looked at him for explanation, shock still on my face.

"That would be Smokey, the monkey I told you about," Dr. Cullen answered my silent question.

"Jeez! He scared me!" I put a hand over my chest as if that would help my heart slow down a bit. "Why does he hate me so much?" He was making the loudest noises as he jumped around inside the glass box.

"He doesn't hate you. He's excited. He doesn't get to meet people often."

"Hmm…" was all I said as I watched the little ball of energy continue jumping and swinging on the branch. "No wonder you call him Smokey; he's on fire."

When the little monkey returned to where I was standing, he showed me a long set on teeth as he smiled. His little eyes were giving me such an adorable look. Smokey was overly cute, and his smile was infectious. I returned my first genuine smile of the day.

"He seems happy," I murmured, thinking that I could spend hours looking at Smokey's cuteness without getting bored.

"I know. But I still would like a verbal confirmation of that," Dr. Cullen said, and that brought me back to reality. I realized I wasn't watching a happy monkey in the zoo. I was watching a lab animal who had probably been through a lot, and I was there to be treated the same way.

I turned around and looked at Dr. Cullen as I spoke: "Well, that's why I'm here."

"That's true," he said after a moment, then he touched another switch. The area that lit up was in the opposite direction of the monkey's glass box.

The lights exposed another glass box that was much bigger than Smokey's. I slowly walked over for a closer look at where I'd live during the medical testing. The single bed and small nightstand gave it away.

My heart sank at the realization of what I had agreed to. With the nonexistent privacy, I was going to be put under the microscope for a long time. Literally.

"That's where we'll do the testing?" I asked, slightly hopeful that he would say no. The idea of staying in that glass box for a long time already made me feel claustrophobic.

"Yes, I designed and prepared it for that purpose. Once we start the experiment, you have to stay here 24/7, under my supervision. It's very important for the testing process."

"24/7? How will you manage that?" I couldn't imagine him staying up all day and night in front of the glass room.

"There are security cameras that will be monitored by my assistant."

My eyes widened, "Assistant?" _Oh, no._

"Yes. He's responsible for reporting on your condition before and after the medication."

"He?" I could feel myself getting dizzy.

"Yes, Bella. He's a good person, I promise. I trust him with my life." Dr. Cullen reassured me, but I still found everything hard to swallow.

My throat was dry when I spoke again, "But how will I be able to use the…" I felt heat creeping up my face. I couldn't imagine doing that or changing clothes out in the open.

_What did I just agree to?_

"Don't worry about that. There is a connected private bathroom with a small closet where you'll be able to change and take care of your needs," he explained to my relief. "You can check it out; you can check the whole lab out if you want. Just don't play with any buttons or feed the animals."

"Wait, are you leaving?"

"Yes. I have to leave and take care a few things. You're free to walk around if you feel like it. I'll be back later tonight." And with that, Dr. Cullen was gone. He left me standing in the corner of his laboratory, half of which I had yet to see, wondering what I just got myself into.

~WtSGD~

**Author Note:**

_Oh, yes! We're meeting Edward soon._

I released a new book just TODAY!

It's about a lonely girl who'd do ANYTHING to get her lover back. Anything.

Just search Amazon, iBooks, or Kobo for: **Heart of Steel** by **Rose B. Mashal, **and find out how far could she really go. I'm so excited for you all to read it.

**A question:  
Can you guess who's the complete stranger who's watching our Bella through a camera? ;)**

_Leave your answer in a review and/ or on my Facebook group._

_Join my readers' group if you haven't yet. I post teasers of next chapter on Wednesdays there. (CozItRunsInMyBlood)_

_Until we meet later…_

_Love and kisses._

_Cozy._


	9. Chapter 7 Part 2

**SM owns Twilight.**

**(CozItRunsInMyBlood /Rose B. Mashal) owns the plot.**

**(BandMum) is the wonderful beta.**

**(hlsmith) is the amazing pre-reader.**

**Chapter 7 Part 2**

I had never seen a lab before, not even a classroom lab since I was home schooled, but this one seemed much bigger than it ought to be.

There were X-ray and Ultrasound scanners, and those were the only familiar instruments I knew. There were more machines that I had no clue about.

Dr. Cullen took his medical experiments quite seriously.

Sighing, I went back to the glass room which was now mine. The glass door opened automatically, and closed the second I stepped inside. Fear rose in my heart at the thought that I had just been locked in. I couldn't shrug the feeling away until I walked towards the door again and it opened for me one more time.

I released a long breath I'd been holding, and stepped back inside, less frightened when the doors closed behind me.

The glass room was as big as the studio apartment I lived in the last three months, but that was the only resemblance. This one was spotlessly clean, organized and warm. It was similar to a hospital room, but bigger, and much too exposed. There weren't even any curtains.

I took a look at the bathroom Dr. Cullen mentioned, and – true to his word – it had regular walls. The closet was a decent size, but I didn't have many clothes to put in there, anyway.

I hung my coat in there, then went back to sit on the bed. For some reason, I didn't feel like I was the first person to use the room. I had no idea where the thought came from; it was just a feeling.

That was probably one of my anxious, senseless thoughts which troubled me to no end, so I tried to ignore it. I took my shoes off, then lay on my side on the bed. I didn't like that there were no covers to pull over me, but it wasn't actually cold either.

It wasn't surprising that I didn't fall asleep easily; I was in a strange place, being constantly watched by complete strangers after all. But eventually, the exhaustion of the day and the sleepless night before took its toll on me and I fell into a restless sleep.

Hours later I awoke, startled by the noises Smokey was making. I squeezed my eyes shut and blinked a few times to get a clearer view of the reason he was suddenly so hyper, only to find Dr. Cullen was standing in front of him. It looked like he was placing food inside his glass box, and Smokey was excited about it.

Dr. Cullen turned to look at me from across the room and smiled. It was the first time I returned his smile with a frown, but I was too confused not to. It seemed that he knew I was awake although I hadn't done anything to alert him. How could he tell I wasn't still asleep?

_It could be a mere coincidence,_ I decided. The constant anxious thoughts and overthinking were draining me.

When Dr. Cullen turned his attention back to Smokey, I went to use the bathroom and wash my face. As I returned, he was setting food boxes on the nightstand.

"Feeding time for your lab creatures, huh?" I joked half-heartedly, not able to feel any difference between Smokey and me. We were both medical experiments.

Dr. Cullen only smiled in response and put a bottle of water on the nightstand. "I hope you like Chinese."

"I do. Thank you." Truth was, I didn't feel like eating anything although I was aware how hungry I was. I knew the food would be tasteless; I was too uncomfortable to enjoy a meal.

Against everything I wanted – which was not to eat, to ball up in a corner and cry my eyes out – I sat on the bed, picked up a carton of noodles, and started eating.

In my peripheral vision, I could see Dr. Cullen was sitting on a chair that wasn't there before. He must have brought it in while I was in the bathroom.

"Are you enjoying your meal?" he asked after a few minutes of dead silence while I ate.

"Yes, sir! It's delicious. Thank you."

"Bella, I thought you already knew you don't have to lie to me," he said, and I stopped nibbling on the noodles. "You don't have to eat just because I told you to. I only wanted you to take your pain pills, and you shouldn't take them on an empty stomach." He placed the pills next to the bottle of water.

"Um…"

"Listen, I promise I will never, ever hurt you." He sounded so sincere that it was difficult not to believe him. But I still couldn't shrug the negative thoughts away. It was a part of who I was to overthink everything, and nothing. I couldn't help it. "Not intentionally, anyway," he continued, and I realized he was referring to the medical testing and the side effects that might come with it.

"I know that, sir. I think." My voice was barely above a whisper, but he heard me.

"With time, you'll be sure of it, Bella. I promise you."

I offered him a small smile in response. Since he said I didn't have to lie to him, I covered the food and put it back on the nightstand. Perhaps later I would find the desire to finish it.

"So, uh, when will we start?"

Dr. Cullen sat comfortably on the chair, and I found it amusing that we were sitting the same way we used to in my apartment. With one huge difference of course.

"We need to discuss a few things first. I want to know more about you," he said, and the words didn't help my anxiety. I didn't want anyone to know about me. "Don't panic. I just want to know what your hobbies are, and how you would like to spend your free time in here. You'll have plenty of that in the next couple of years."

To be honest, I still couldn't believe I would be here for years. The idea was scary, but I already knew that the outside world was even scarier. At least, I was safe here. Or so I hoped.

"I don't know. Reading, maybe."

"Excellent. What kind of books do you like to read?" he asked, and I only shrugged and looked down. I wasn't used to being asked what I liked. "We'll figure it out. What else do you like to do?"

"I… there's one… no, it's not important." It was a silly idea.

"What is it? Tell me."

"I like to… paint," I said with my head still bowed, chewing hard on my bottom lip. I scolded myself for telling him that. It was stupid. I expected him to call me stupid any minute now, but it didn't happen.

"That's amazing. Any preference for colors or -" I interrupted him with a shake of my head. I had absolutely none. If he gave me paper and pencil, I would be happy.

"Okay, then. I'll see what I can do," he said, and I couldn't believe he would actually do that for me. I couldn't even smile because it seemed so far-fetched.

"Th- thank you, sir."

"You're most welcome." He got up, reached in his pocket and took out a credit card. He handed it to me. "Here. There will be a car waiting for you outside at ten tomorrow morning. Go get yourself some clothes and anything else you need. _Whatever_ you need. Don't worry at all about the cost, okay? You have an open budget."

I flipped the card in my hand, examined it carefully as if it might explode. "What? Why? Dr. Cullen, this is too much. I can't accept it."

"Bella, please. It's a part of our deal. It will make me happy if you accept it." His smile was honest, and I didn't know if this was truly happening or if my mind was playing tricks on me.

"Thank you. Thank you so much." I said, wishing I had better words.

"I'm glad. Oh, I almost forgot. This phone is yours from now on. My number is already in it. Call me if anything happens." He handed me a touch phone. I always dreamed of owning one, but never had the chance.

I remembered watching my mother playing on hers for hours, and I wondered how it would feel to have one. They never allowed me to own a phone, any kind of phone.

"I, uh…" I sputtered, stunned.

"You're welcome," he chuckled. "I'll see you tomorrow when you return."

It was then that it actually hit me. "You mean I can leave the house?"

Dr. Cullen frowned, "You're not a prisoner here, dear. I hope you understand that. I may have to lock you in after the testing starts, for safety reasons, but I will never hold you against your will otherwise."

I looked at him closely; he seemed so honest, and I still couldn't say a word.

"Good night, Bella." He left, and I sat there, looking at the card and phone in my hand. I wondered if Dr. Cullen just gave me a way to escape him and this situation, if I wanted to.

~WtSGD~

**Author Note:**

Did you check out my new book on Amazon? It's on sale today!

_Blurb: Secrets. Blackmail. Murder.  
When passion becomes obsession, is anyone safe?  
A Sci-Fi Romance filled with thrilling mystery and suspense._

Just search Amazon, iBooks, or Kobo for: **Temptation** by **Rose B. Mashal, **and find out how far could she really go. I'm so excited for you all to read it.

**A question:**

**What would YOU do if you were in Bella's shoes? Leave? Or stay?**

_Don't forget to leave me a review and tell my what you think. :*_

_Join my readers' group if you haven't yet, it's so much fun in there. (CozItRunsInMyBlood)_

_Until we meet later…_

_Love and kisses._

_Cozy._


	10. Chapter 8 Part 1

**SM owns Twilight.**

**(CozItRunsInMyBlood /Rose B. Mashal) owns the plot.**

**(BandMum) is the wonderful beta.**

**(hlsmith) is the amazing pre-reader.**

**Chapter 8 Part 1**

The idea of being watched by that assistant through the security cameras made me feel uneasy. I tried my best to ignore it all, block it away, and pretend it didn't exist.

The night was restless like any other night, but I was grateful that I wasn't cold or hungry. To top it all, I was safe. Or so I hoped.

When I awoke, it was past eight o'clock. There was a sandwich, salad and orange juice on the nightstand, and next to them were two familiar tablets and a capsule. I realized Dr. Cullen wanted me to be well fed and take my medication before I left.

A small smile played on my lips at the idea of someone taking care of me, then that smile was gone when I shrugged the thought away. Dr. Cullen probably did the same with Smokey. To him, I was nothing more than another lab rat.

I took a quick shower, dressed in the cleanest jeans and top I had, then had my breakfast and medication in complete silence.

When I was finished, I heard a small peep coming from the phone Dr. Cullen gave me last night. I picked it up and it said there was an incoming message from him. I clicked on the notification the way I had seen my mother do, and the message opened.

'_Good morning. The car will be waiting for you outside in a few minutes. Be ready. I have a question: What's your favorite color?'_ the message read.

I frowned, not only because I was confused by using a smart phone for the first time, but also because of the question.

It was difficult to answer. I didn't know what I should tell him. I didn't know why he was asking, and I thought if I knew _his_ favorite color, maybe I could answer then. The right answer was his favorite color, right? I didn't know; I was confused.

'_Black'_ I sent. Dr. Cullen always wore a black winter coat, so maybe that was his favorite color. But then again, he was a doctor and he often wore white coats. What if 'white' was his favorite color? I was stupid.

'_Black is your favorite color? Are you sure?'_

I bit my lower lip. Apparently it was the wrong answer. _'I don't know sir'_ I typed, then hit send, hoping that I didn't make him angry with me.

Not a second later, the phone peeped again, but with a different tone, and I realized Dr. Cullen was calling me. With a shaky voice, I answered, "Hello!"

"Hello, Bella! I'm in a hurry but need to make sure you know what I'm asking. You said you don't know what your favorite color is?"

"I'm sorry, sir."

"There's no need to apologize. You didn't do anything wrong."

"I don't know how to answer. I'm afraid I will upset you." I decided to be honest with him.

"What? You won't upset me with any answer, dear. What are you talking about?" Dr. Cullen sounded confused.

"I... I don't have a favorite color."

"Okay. Is there any color that makes you feel happy? A color you see, and your eyes feel comfortable looking at it, and want to keep staring at it?"

"Um, I like the color of the sky on a sunny day." I told him, hoping that he wouldn't think I was too silly.

"Sky-blue?"

"I think so, sir."

"That's a beautiful color. Thank you, Bella. I have to go now. I hope you have a nice day out. Remember, open budget." I could hear the smile in his voice, and it was such a relief.

"Thank you, sir. I remember."

"Get a cover for your bed. I'll see you later."

I let out a long breath and willed my racing heart to slow down. The short phone call made my anxiety rise, and I didn't even know why. I guess it was still difficult to think that Dr. Cullen wasn't playing games with me; he was just asking a simple question.

Dr. Cullen wasn't _him_.

Five minutes before ten, I left through the same door I came in. A black car waited for me outside, and next to it, was a guy in a chauffeur uniform.

My steps slowed slightly, but I continued on my way to the car. The chauffeur was in his late sixties, his gray hair peeking from under his hat. His wrinkled features were soft, and his smile was kind as I approached him.

"Hello, Ms. Swan. I'm Eric Yorkie. I'm going to be your driver today."

I smiled, pleased that he didn't offer his hand for me to shake. I didn't want to start our day with awkwardness. "Nice to meet you, Mr. Yorkie."

"Call me Eric, please," he said as he opened the car door for me.

"Call me, Bella, Eric," I smiled back as I got in.

Until this day, I hadn't told Dr. Cullen my full name. Yet, his chauffer just called me by my father's name. Dr. Cullen must have picked it up from my father's grave.

It was comforting, but only because it meant he didn't dig for information about me, and if he did, he wasn't successful. My last name was Dwyer, not Swan. My stepfather changed it to his when he adopted me right after Charlie passed away. I was only six years old then. I never liked it, and never would. It was nice to be called Swan again.

"Where to, Bella?"

"Walmart, please." I figured that I could get everything I needed at Walmart, and without spending a lot. Dr. Cullen was generous enough to let me go on my own with his credit card, but that didn't mean I was going to abuse his kindness. It was much more than I'd ever imagined.

The drive to Walmart was long, but quiet. I was grateful that Eric didn't try to make small talk. When we made it to the store, I got lost in there, not knowing what I should buy. I got myself pajamas and a couple of tank-tops that had a big discount on them. I also bought jeans and T-shirts, then a toothbrush and hairbrush with a few other toiletries.

When I was about to leave, I remembered that Dr. Cullen told me to buy a cover for the bed, so I got the cheapest I could find. On my way out, the sweet smell of freshly baked Cinnabon hit my nose, and my stomach growled. I wasn't going to stop until I realized that I could actually buy myself one.

I was absolutely terrified as I bought the pastries; I wasn't sure if food was included in Dr. Cullen's offer when he told me to buy whatever I needed. Though the Cinnabons were delicious, my worry prevented me from truly enjoying them.

The idea did cross my mind that it would be easy to take everything I had now: the phone, the card, and things I bought, and flee. But not once did I think I would do it.

First of all, I could never get away with it, even if I wanted to, which I didn't. I'd heard that cards and smartphones could be tracked.

Second, I really wanted to do this. I wasn't feeling completely safe in Dr. Cullen's house, but at least I wasn't cold, hungry, and in constant pain.

I wanted to believe that Dr. Cullen was a good guy, I truly did. But it was difficult. I knew that was my fault. My past with a terribly evil man stood in the way of me believing that someone out there could be completely different.

Third, and finally, if Dr. Cullen was honest about everything, I could help myself and other people fighting this disease.

By the time I finished eating and got back to the car, I was unquestionably positive of my decision and willingness to go through with the testing. No doubts, no regrets. I would be a complete fool to waste such an opportunity.

"This is for you," I said to Eric as I offered him the bag with a few sweet rolls inside. "It's fresh."

"Oh, thank you so much! I love Cinnabon." He took it from me with a big smile on his face and I grinned back. To be able to give something away was one of the sweetest feelings.

"You're most welcome."

The sun was going down when I returned to Dr. Cullen's house. I was surprised at how much time I spent shopping, since I didn't buy much. However, I did use lots of time searching through the sale things.

Eric helped me with the bags, and I thanked him. As I started towards the lab entry, I noticed a dark figure standing in one of the windows on the second floor. A man. I knew immediately it wasn't Dr. Cullen; this man was taller and slimmer.

I wouldn't have though much of it, until the person disappeared the moment I looked directly at him. I wondered if he didn't want to be seen.

I frowned. Who the heck was that?

~WtSGD~

**Author Note:**

**How are you all holding up with all the Coronavirus chaos? I haven't left my house for about three centauries and a day. Waaa! What about you?**

Did you check out my new book on Amazon? It's on sale today!  
_Blurb: Secrets. Blackmail. Murder.  
When passion becomes obsession, is anyone safe?  
A Sci-Fi Romance filled with thrilling mystery and suspense._

Just search Amazon, iBooks, or Kobo for: **Temptation** by **Rose B. Mashal, **and find out how far could she really go. I'm so excited for you all to read it.

**A question:**

**If you were offered an open budget, what would you buy first?**

_Don't forget to leave me a review and tell my what you think. :*_

_Join my readers' group if you haven't yet, it's so much fun in there. (CozItRunsInMyBlood)_

_Until we meet later…_

_Love and kisses._

_Cozy._


	11. Chapter 8 Part 2

**SM owns Twilight.**

**(CozItRunsInMyBlood /Rose B. Mashal) owns the plot.**

**(BandMum) is the wonderful beta.**

**Chapter 8 Part 2**

Any slight suspicion that the figure in the window could be Dr. Cullen, vanished when he texted, saying that he would be home in an hour with dinner.

I made a mental note to ask him when he got back if somebody else lived in the house; the assistant, maybe? Who knew, maybe it was an unwelcome visitor that Dr. Cullen didn't know about.

I gasped when I turned on the lights in the glass room. Dr. Cullen had added some furniture. There was a table with two chairs in one corner, and a small sofa in the other, all on a carpet that covered a large section of the floor.

It didn't escape my notice that they were all different shades of sky-blue. My favorite color.

I was so touched by all of this, that I almost cried. It felt like… the glass room felt comfy, and even welcoming. It felt like this was home.

My smile was huge as I placed my bags on the table, and then tested out the sofa. I moved my hand over the soft fabric and giggled, not able to contain how happy I felt with everything.

The glass room suddenly looked so beautiful, and I couldn't believe I would get to live in a such a cozy place as this. I needed to thank Dr. Cullen for this – big time.

Not long after, the man who had given me so much entered the lab. I knew he was there before I saw him; Smokey was making the loudest noises, that I learned he only made when Dr. Cullen was there to feed him.

"Bella! How was your day outside?" he asked as he put two containers on the table.

"It was great. Thank you, sir. How was yours?" I bit my lower lip, wondering if it was okay with him to ask about his day, or if it was too much.

"It was busy. Do you like the new furniture?" he gestured around the room.

"It's perfect. I love it. Thank you so much! But you really didn't have to. It was okay as it was."

"Ah, please! It's a bit more livable now, and there's more to come later this week," he said to my shock.

"Dr. Cullen, it's really not necessary. It's fine now, more than fine. I don't need all this."

"Of course, you do. You're going to be here for a long time," he said, and before I could reply, he pointed at the bags. "I thought I told you to get anything you want."

"I did, sir."

"It doesn't look like it. And a brown coverlet? I thought you said your favorite color was blue," he pointed at the bed. I had put the coverlet on while I waited for him to return home.

"It was the cheapest I could find." I shrugged.

"Oh, Bella! I wish I had sent someone with you, but I wanted you to enjoy your privacy. Maybe I should've sent Margaret along, but she asks so many questions. I hate it when people ask a lot of questions."

As he spoke, I was about to ask him who Margaret was, but stopped myself when he said that.

I wondered if that was why Eric didn't attempt to chat with me; maybe Dr. Cullen ordered him not to ask questions. I knew our deal was secretive, but Dr. Cullen himself, was mysterious. I wished to know more about him, but now I wasn't sure if I should ask anything. I didn't want to upset him.

"I'll figure it out," he said. I didn't know what he meant by that, but I didn't ask. "Come eat your dinner; aren't you hungry?"

"Uh, are you going to eat with me?" I asked. I assumed he probably just got in from work and hadn't had a chance to eat.

"No. I already ate. I have to go now, actually. I have work to do in my office," he said, and my shoulders hunched. "I'll be back in the morning. I need to do some further examination and tests on you before we start anything."

"Okay." I said in a small voice.

"We won't do anything you're not comfortable with, Bella. Please know that." His words were kind, and eased my anxiety just a bit. But to be honest, I wasn't looking forward to tomorrow.

"Thank you."

"See you tomorrow, dear."

For the next fifteen minutes, I sat at the table and ate my dinner, or rather pretended to eat. Just thinking about the examination tomorrow made my stomach turn, but I wasn't going to upset Dr. Cullen by not eating or taking my medication.

So, I did as I was told, while watching him as he fed Smokey. He wrote a few things on a chart hanging on the wall next to the little monkey's glass cage, then left the lab.

~WtSGD~

No matter how hard I tried to convince myself to relax, I couldn't allow him to touch me. It was out of my control.

"The examination is important, Bella. I promise I'll be as professional as possible. We'll take it easy, okay?"

I was holding tight to my hospital gown over my chest, pulling my knees to my stomach protectively, and visibly shaking.

It was the third try in as many days, and I still couldn't make myself do it.

On the first day, Dr. Cullen decided to do more blood tests instead, and said maybe I would relax in a few days. But the second day came, and I still couldn't let him touch me, no matter what. So, he let it go, and decided we would try another day.

But here we were; same results, different day.

"I'm sorry," I whispered in a shaky voice.

"No need to be sorry, dear. I understand how difficult it is for you," he reassured me. "We don't have to do anything today. We can always try tomorrow."

But we both knew it would probably be the same. I couldn't let him put his hands on me, gloved or not.

"But that's why I'm here. We can try again now. I feel better." I lied. I took a few deep breaths to help calm my nerves and lay back down on the bed.

It took me no more than thirty seconds before I screamed, "No, no, no! Please!" and pushed his hand away.

"It's okay. You're okay. I'm not doing anything. Here." Dr. Cullen stepped back immediately, his hands in front of him so I could see they were nowhere near me, like every time I pushed him away.

As I caught my breath, he took off his disposable gloves, and I knew he was going to stop trying for the day. He looked defeated, and I loathed myself for troubling him that much.

"I'm so sorry, sir."

"Stop saying sorry!" Dr. Cullen snapped and I flinched, my teary eyes wide in shock. It was the first time I'd seen him lose his temper, but I couldn't really blame him.

"Shit! I'm sorry, Bella. I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. I just hate that you keep apologizing when you didn't do anything wrong. This is not your fault, dear."

I nodded, and wiped away my tears, looking away in shame and sorrow.

"I would bring a female doctor here to do the examination, but that will open doors to questions I'm not ready to answer." Dr. Cullen said, "Would you go to the hospital with me? I could pull a favor or two and have them-"

"No hospitals, please." I begged.

"Alright. No hospitals." Dr. Cullen was silent for a moment. "How about I ask you a few questions to get a grasp of your medical history before you're ready for the examination?"

"I'm fine with that." I told him; my voice just above a whisper. I sat up on the bed and pulled the cover over me, still a bit shaken.

"Good." He stood and grabbed my file from the table. He opened it and started writing something.

"Do you have any allergies to food or medications?" he asked.

I shook my head, "Not that I know of, no."

"Have you had any recent infections?"

"I don't know, sir. I haven't had a check-up in years. I have gotten sick a few times in the past year, but it lasted a few days and I was back to normal. I never knew what it was." I answered, and he started writing in the file.

"It was probably Maglos. Can you describe where the pain hits you the most?"

"My bones. They're always aching, specially my fingers and toes."

"Any other symptoms?"

"So many, I can't even count. Headaches, stomachache, cramps, a burning sensation all over my body… The list goes on."

"Understandable. Could you tell me if your cycle is regular? Do you keep track of the dates?"

I sighed and looked down. "I... uh, I haven't gotten my period in years, sir. I had a hysterectomy about four years ago." I knew that answer would raise a lot of questions. I also knew that I wouldn't want to answer them. They would bring back one of my worst memories.

~WtSGD~

**Author Note:**

I'm wondering how everyone is doing during this difficult time all over the world. Tell me how you feel, and if I can help in anyway. We need to support each other.

**A question:**

**What was the most agonizing pain you ever felt in your life?**

_Don't forget to leave me a review and tell my what you think. :*_

_Join my readers' group if you haven't yet, it's so much fun in there. (CozItRunsInMyBlood)_

_Until we meet later…_

_Love and kisses._

_Cozy._


	12. Chapter 9 Part 1

**SM owns Twilight.**

**(CozItRunsInMyBlood /Rose B. Mashal) owns the plot.**

**(BandMum) is the wonderful beta.**

**Chapter 9 Part 1**

Dr. Cullen's eyebrows shot up to his hairline, "Hysterectomy? At fourteen?" he asked in disbelief.

"Yes, sir." My head was down as I answered, and the silence that filled the room for the next minute was loud in my ears.

"What was the cause? Cancer? Bleeding? An accident?" He suggested all the possibilities for a girl that age to have such surgery, as he knew I wouldn't start talking on my own.

But even though he asked, it was too difficult to answer. I just shook my head in response.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" he asked quietly. I hated how pathetic I was.

"I'm sorry," I apologized when I realized I wouldn't be able to tell him. The words were stuck in my throat, choking me mercilessly, yet I couldn't let them out.

"Please, don't be. I completely understand," he said, then closed the file and put it on the table. "We can continue tomorrow."

"I hate that I'm useless to you, Dr. Cullen. Maybe I'm not the right fit for the experiment."

"You're not useless. I just need you to start trusting me. You need psychological treatment. And you need time. Time will fix it all, I'm sure of it. I have plenty of time, dear. Don't worry about it."

"Thank you." I was still staring at the floor when he left. He could be right. Time might fix it. Fix _me_. But I didn't have much of that.

I was strangely grateful that he was gone, but sadly, the loneliness made it easy for the bad thoughts and awful memories to resurface. It all revolved in my mind, just as vividly as if it happened yesterday.

Three days in row of examination attempts, the questions stirring up the bad memories… it all took its toll on me. I curled into a ball on my bed and let the demons inside my head hunt me down. I was too weak to fight.

~WtSGD~

When evening came, I had no appetite for dinner. It remained untouched on the table, and judging by how I felt, it would probably end up in the trash.

Ironically, just two weeks ago I was thinking that soon I would be eating from the garbage. Now, I was actually considering throwing food away. Life was crazy.

Dr. Cullen had installed a big screen television in my glass room. It had so many channels, but my favorite one played cartoons all day long. This evening I had been watching a Tom and Jerry marathon. It helped a lot to keep the dark thoughts away and made me smile .

When Jerry had outsmarted Tom for the thirtieth time, I decided to call it a day. I brushed my teeth, and got ready for bed. Of course, sleep didn't come easily. It was too quiet around the lab, to the point I could almost hear my heartbeat. Smokey was making soft noises every now and then, and I wondered if he couldn't sleep, either.

After an hour or so of staring into the semi-darkness, I decided to visit the little monkey and see if he would like some company.

Smokey stopped swinging on the tree branch when he saw me approach. He came nearer to the glass door and looked at me suspiciously. We hadn't had an encounter since I started sharing the lab space with him. And since Dr. Cullen ordered me not to feed the animals, I didn't try to interact with the monkey much, afraid that wasn't allowed as well.

I hoped I wasn't breaking any rules by being near the glass cage without Dr. Cullen's permission or presence. But I had nothing better to do.

"Hey, Smokey!" I stood right in front of the cage and smiled at him. He was still looking at me strangely, not making a sound. "I thought since we'll be spending some time together, we should maybe get to know each other."

Smokey seemed to be studying me and my movements. I wondered if he could possibly understand what I was saying. After all, Dr. Cullen did say that he was very smart.

"Would you like that?" I watched as he pursed his lips, making a duck face, but not moving away. "I mean, it could get really boring in here, don't you think?

"You seem like a good boy. Would you like to be my friend? I don't have any friends.

"I'm not trying to guilt-trip you, I promise." I chuckled flatly. "I always wanted a pet, but my mother never allowed me to have one. My step-father was allergic to cats _and_ dogs. He's allergic to anything nice, actually."

I was already tired from being on my feet, although it hadn't been that long. I was getting weaker and weaker each day. I wished I could let Dr. Cullen examine me. He needed that baseline to be able to compare my condition before and after the treatment, but I just couldn't stay still and allow him to touch me.

A soft moan escaped my lips as I sat down on the floor, and I was surprised to see the little monkey get down from the branch and come towards me on all fours.

Maybe I was wrong, but I could have sworn that Smokey's eyes were sad as he looked at me. He was very close now, only the glass separating us. Then the oddest thing happened.

Smokey mimicked the sound of my moan and then looked at me as if waiting for me to speak. When I didn't say anything, he repeated it. I couldn't be wrong this time; it really seemed as if he did want me to explain.

"Oh. It's okay, buddy. I'm not in a lot of pain. Just a little." I smiled sadly at him. "I'm here so Dr. Cullen can fix me. Like he fixed you. You were sick before, right?"

A sigh left my mouth when he mimicked the moan yet again, "It doesn't hurt that bad. I'm just tired. The painkillers don't work much anymore. But don't worry, I'm a tough girl; I can take it."

A few minutes passed as I got lost in my thoughts. Smokey was still sitting in front of me, in the same position as I was. When I shifted to rest my side against the glass wall, he did exactly the same.

I figured he liked to copy actions, so I spent some time doing things and watching him mimic me. He followed my finger with his through the glass, and showed me the toothiest smile when I giggled at his movements. I loved that we were able to communicate somehow.

"You're just so cute. Did you know that?" I told him, "I bet you were very loved by your family and friends before you came here.

"I bet you never felt so lonely that you spent the first hours of your eighteenth birthday talking to a monkey."

~WtSGD~

Another nightmare startled me awake at 6:10 AM. When I saw the clock, I realized I had slept for five hours straight, and I was thankful for that.

The first thing that caught my attention was a bouquet of red roses sitting on the small table across the room. My eyes lit up at the sight; the flowers were truly beautiful and prettily arranged in a vase.

I got up to get a closer look. I picked up the vase and raised the roses to my nose, inhaling deeply. They smelled even better than they looked, and it made me smile. It was very nice of Dr. Cullen to bring me roses.

Next to the vase was a leather book with a fancy-looking pen placed on top of it. I flipped through it but the pages were blank; it was a diary.

On the first page, a line was written in neat script:

_They listen to you, they don't spill your secrets, and they never judge you. _

_Happy Birthday._

_~E.M._

I frowned, not only because I didn't understand what the line meant, but because those weren't Dr. Cullen's initials. If he didn't bring me the roses and the diary, who did?

~WtSGD~

**Author Note:**

I loved hearing from you last time. Your stories about the most agonizing pain were mind-blowing. Strong women all over. Thank you for sharing with me.

**A question:**

**What was the best birthday gift you ever had?**

_Your reviews feed the muse. Just saying. LOL_

_Join my readers' group if you haven't yet, it's so much fun in there. (CozItRunsInMyBlood)_

_Until we meet later…_

_Love and kisses._

_Cozy._


	13. Chapter 9 Part 2

**SM owns Twilight.**

**(CozItRunsInMyBlood /Rose B. Mashal) owns the plot.**

**(BandMum) is the wonderful beta.**

**Chapter 9 Part 2**

The whole time I was showering, I couldn't stop thinking about the roses and the diary. I planned to ask Dr. Cullen about them first thing today. He would be here soon to feed Smokey and bring me my breakfast.

After I slipped into jeans and a T-shirt, I puzzled over the meaning of the diary entry as I blew my hair dry. I preferred to let it air-dry, but I was afraid it would leave a trail of water on the new carpet, and I didn't want to make Dr. Cullen angry.

At eight AM sharp, Dr. Cullen entered the lab from the house. He usually came through the outside door to the rear yard, which was the only one I had ever used. I watched as he locked the door behind him, then went straight to Smokey's cage. I smiled as I listened to Smokey's excited chatter. I could hear Dr. Cullen talking to him, but couldn't quite make out what he was saying.

"Good morning, birthday girl," Dr. Cullen greeted me, and my smile brightened.

"Thank you, sir." I felt the heat creeping up my cheeks, and dropped my eyes. I couldn't believe he remembered from our talk back in my studio apartment.

He put two bags on the table beside the roses and frowned. "Did you go outside?" he asked, and I panicked.

"No, sir, I didn't. The roses were here when I woke up."

"They were?" he narrowed his eyes.

"Yes, sir. And this, too." I handed the diary to him. Dr. Cullen examined it with suspicion, and then hummed when he read the first page. "I don't know who brought them here, sir."

Dr. Cullen closed the diary and put it back on the table, then gazed up at one of the cameras in the corner of my room and pursed his lips. He was quiet for a moment as he stared at it. "That would be my assistant. I'm not sure how he figured out it's your birthday; I didn't give him that information."

"Oh," was all I said before joining Dr. Cullen in gawking at the camera, not really sure what we were looking at.

"He should've given it to you personally, though." He said that more to the camera than to me. "But he's not very social."

"It's fine, really. That makes two of us." I chuckled nervously, looking down.

"Hmm," Dr. Cullen turned to stare at me with narrowed eyes, just as he had been looking at the camera a second ago. It made me even more nervous than I was. "It does make two of you," he said. I had no idea what that meant, but I didn't ask for an explanation.

"Anyway, Eric told me you bought him Cinnabon the other day, and-"

"I'm so sorry, sir. It won't ever happen again. I still have some money left from my salary and I could pay you back for the Cinnabon. I'm so sorry, please don't be mad at me. It won't happen again." I prattled hysterically. I was so stupid; I knew I shouldn't have bought those Cinnabons. What the heck was I thinking?

I was freaking out, thinking that I made him angry with me. Who knew what he might do when he was mad? Who knew how he acted? Fear gripped my heart and I was on the verge of tears.

"Bella! What are you saying? I'm not mad at you in the slightest. Please, relax. Nothing to be mad about, dear." Dr. Cullen said, and I looked at him with wonder, so afraid that he was playing me.

"I'm so sorry, sir." He said he wasn't mad at me, but he might not have meant it. He might be dishonest about it, so I had to apologize.

"Please, Bella. Stop saying you're sorry. There's absolutely nothing to apologize for. I told you myself to get whatever you wanted. If there's anything I'm not pleased with, it's that you didn't buy many clothes, and only cheap ones, at that." He said it so calmly, that I started to believe he might honestly not be mad at me.

"I didn't want you to waste more money on me, sir," I said quietly, keeping my gaze on the floor.

"It's not a waste." Dr. Cullen sighed, shaking his head slightly. A moment later, he pulled a small box from one of the bags he had brought and handed it to me. My eyes widened as I saw what it was, and I realized I was being hysterical for nothing. "I brought you Cinnabons. Birthday breakfast."

I pressed my lips together tightly, feeling stupider than ever as I took it from him. "That's very kind of you. Thank you, sir." I was embarrassed by my outburst, and I wished I wasn't messed up so that I could recognize real kindness when it was standing right in front of me.

"You're welcome, dear," he said, and the room fell silent for a minute or two. "Well, I have to go to work now. I will bring you your present later tonight."

"It's really not necessary; you've already given me more than I ever dreamed."

"I want to," he said. "You still have the card; if you wish to go out let me know and I'll have Eric drive you anywhere you want. A spa, maybe?"

I shook my head. "Thank you, Dr. Cullen. But I'm really not into… well, anything."

He sighed again. "Just let me know if you change your mind. I'll see you later, dear."

I wished I could tell him exactly how grateful I was, for him and everything he had been doing for me. But I was afraid he'd be irritated with my many 'thank-you's, so I said nothing.

I learned the hard way that staying silent was the safest option in most situations.

Silence, obedience, and invisibility when not needed were how I avoided punishments before. I was still trying to figure out if that was what Dr. Cullen wanted of me, too. I expected him to snap at me as he discovered how stupid and useless I was.

I was constantly waiting for all of this to fall apart and reveal its true form: a deceptive dream, and a nightmare in disguise.

~WtSGD~

The pain in my knees and lower back was getting worse each day. I had already asked Dr. Cullen to increase the dosage of the medication, but he refused, saying it would be bad for my kidneys. He gave me some pain-relieving creams to apply instead, but they barely made a difference.

Dr. Cullen had warned me that my disease would become more aggressive, but I wondered if part of the ache in my bones was because I wasn't walking as much as I had been for the past two years.

The man who was trying his best to help me had told me earlier that I was free to go out, so that was what I did. I didn't want to go far, though; just a small walk around the house. I hadn't seen much of it yet; just glimpses as I'd gone in and out.

Behind the house, Dr. Cullen's garden was huge, and it was obvious that he must loved to spend time there. Paths wound through it, with benches scattered around. A pretty white gazebo perched where the pathways met in the center, and a large greenhouse was off to one side. Some evergreen trees and shrubs kept it from feeling drab, but I imagined it would be very pretty in warmer weather.

Beyond the garden was a massive wooded area which he'd said was also his property. I didn't plan to go that far in case I got too tired and couldn't come back. I roamed around the garden, enjoying the few sunbeams that managed to break through the clouds that always covered Forks' sky.

One path led away to the greenhouse. I wondered if Dr. Cullen had much of a green thumb, or if it was used for storage, and I was just curious enough to take a peek. The door wasn't locked, so I went in.

I was astounded by the sight in front of me. Pots and containers of all sizes and shapes filled the space, plants growing and blooming in each one. There might have been a planned layout at one time, but it had been abandoned for a while, and there was barely room to walk through the fruit trees, herbs, vegetables, trellises covered in vines, and rows of flowers of every shade and kind. The air was warm and humid, and the mingled aromas of soil, fertilizer, and blossoms were a heady mix; I almost felt like I'd walked into a jungle.

As I had expected, I began to get tired; the thick atmosphere in the greenhouse was nearly stifling, and it only increased my lethargy. I decided to go back out and rest a minute on the nearest bench. I was admiring the different kinds of flowers on my way to the door when a bush of red roses caught my attention.

I took a closer look and realized they were identical to the ones in my room this morning. They must have been picked from here.

Slipping outside, the chilly air revived me a little as I shuffled up the path to a bench. My eyes drifted to the big house I had been technically living in for almost a week now, and my gaze danced between the windows. I wondered where the assistant was. He must be living in the house as well if he got the roses from the greenhouse.

Of course, he lived here; he was the one monitoring the cameras that were planted all over the lab. How come this didn't occur to me before? Silly me.

But if he lived here, and knew all about me and the secret experiments, why haven't I met him, yet? It could be that he was not keen on talking to strangers like Dr. Cullen remarked. Not that I blamed him. I disliked peopling, too.

I wondered if he was the figure I saw the other day when I came back from my shopping trip. If so, why did he hide? There was something extremely weird about that assistant.

I didn't know if I wanted to figure out more about him. I probably shouldn't. But I couldn't deny that I was curious.

~WtSGD~

**Author Note:**

All my books on Amazon are FREE on KU, check them out. :) My Author name is _Rose B. Mashal_. Direct link is on my profile.

**A question:**

**What is your favorite dish, and when was the last time you had it?**

_Your reviews are LOVE! Keep them coming._


	14. Chapter 10 Part 1

**SM owns Twilight.**

**(CozItRunsInMyBlood /Rose B. Mashal) owns the plot.**

**(BandMum) is the wonderful beta.**

**Chapter 10 Part 1**

Smokey did a little dance when he saw me returning to the lab_. God!_ He was such a cutie, he made me smile like nothing else. I was very tired and wanted to lay on the bed, but I didn't want to upset him, so I went to him and we did the thing we did with our fingers through the glass.

Something in me wished I could release him from his glass cage, I imagined he must not be very happy in there, although he looked okay. I dismissed the thought, Dr. Cullen made it clear I shouldn't even feed him, let alone take him out.

It seemed that Smokey would play with me all day if he could, and I would have stayed to play with him as much as he wanted, but I couldn't. When the pain became unbearable, I knew I had to go to my room right away, or I would collapse right in front of Smokey's cage.

"I have to go lie down, now. I'm very tired." I said I could see the disappointment on Smokey's face that I was cutting off our play time. "I'm sorry, buddy. I promise to come back when I feel better."

I planted a kiss on the inside of my hand, then blew it in his direction, and he gave me one of those toothy smiles I loved dearly.

Once I stepped inside my room, I went straight to the roses on the table and smelled them. Then I picked up the diary and read the neat line again.

_They listen to you, they don't spill your secrets, and they never judge you._

_~E. M._

Dr. Cullen said that he didn't share my birthdate with his assistant, so I wondered if he could hear me, because I told Smokey last night. I didn't know how I felt about that.

Initially, I didn't want to think about being constantly watched by a complete stranger. But now it was difficult to ignore, and I wasn't sure why. Was it because of the nice gesture? Or because everything about him was mysterious and I was curious to learn more about him? Was it because he didn't want to interact with me? I didn't know.

He watched my every move and probably listened to every word I said, but I knew nothing about him. If he was the figure I saw in the window the other day, then he was hiding away intentionally. But, why?

I understood not liking to be around people. I didn't. either. But I also tried my best to stay invisible, I didn't go around giving people roses. Why did he do that?

_Because he felt sorry for you. You're pathetic, and you know it._

I was pathetic and pitiful.

~WtSGD~

"Oh, my God! This is all for me?" I asked in disbelief.

"Of course, they are, Bella," Dr. Cullen chuckled. "I'm sorry it arrived late."

"This is too much Dr. Cullen." He had bought art supplies for me: brushes, canvas, and paints. "I don't deserve all this."

"You sure do, dear. I'm glad you like them."

"Like them? I love them!" I said excitedly. "Thank you, thank you so much."

"You're most welcome, Bella." Dr. Cullen nodded with a big smile. Silence filled the room as I gazed at the many brushes and paints, until he spoke again. "So, do you know how to use everything?"

"Honestly, not all of them. I only painted when I was in kindergarten before my parents got divorced. I have a faint memory of it, but I vividly remember that my teacher encouraged me and said she was proud of me." I grinned as the memory played in my head. I wished I could remember the teacher's name.

"That's good. Why didn't you take painting classes in school after that?"

"I was homeschooled."

"So?"

I shrugged, not wanting to talk about it. My smile faded as I remembered things I wanted to try but my mother and step-father didn't allow.

Dr. Cullen must have noticed my discomfort because he changed the subject. "Well, I hope you enjoy them. It's not your birthday present, though."

"Oh, no. This is already too much. Please, don't trouble yourself bringing me more gifts!" I felt awful about him getting many things for me. He provided a life I never dared to dream of, and I wasn't giving him anything in return. I hadn't held up my part of the deal because I couldn't even let him examine me.

"It's no trouble, at all. I promise. I'll get you something else when I return from my trip."

"What? You're going away? Why?" I felt my chest begin to tighten.

"A business trip. Not for long; just for a couple of days."

"But- … what about me? What will I do while you're gone?" My throat closed, leaving me speechless.

"You're free to do whatever you want. Go out. Stay home. Whatever you wish. You can order food to be delivered, but they'll have to leave it by the gates. I don't like strangers on my property.

"I'll leave enough medication to last you until I get back, but you have to promise me not to double the dose if you the pain becomes intense. You have my phone number, so you can call me whenever you want. I'll also give you Eric's number. Call him if you want to go anywhere."

I was silent for a minute or two, looking anywhere but at him. I didn't know why I felt sad about him leaving. It should have made me happy because I wouldn't have to worry about an examination attempt for two days. But I didn't like it. Maybe I was just used to him being around, and didn't want to be alone in this big house.

"What if something happens?" My concern was vague, but I simply didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to explain my fears.

"Don't worry about anything. My assistant will keep an eye on you. You'll be all right, I promise," he smiled, and I worried anyway. I wanted to cry.

~WtSGD~

A few hours later, Dr. Cullen returned with my meds, and some more instructions on what to do while he was away.

"Will you promise me to take care of yourself and only take the medication, on time, in the exact dosage you're used to?"

"I promise, sir." I said, staring at the floor. I was disturbed about him leaving, and unable to express understand these feelings.

"You're going to be okay, dear."

_You don't know that,_ I wanted to tell him, but I nodded in response, with my head still hanging down.

"Take this time to rest and do some painting. Maybe it will ease some of your concerns, alright?"

"Yes, sir."

"Bella, look at me." I looked up immediately, fearing that the tears in my eyes would irritate him. "You have nothing to worry about. The house is secure and you're safer than you think. No one is going to hurt you now. You have my word."

His words were sincere and reassuring. A sense of comfort washed over my heart when I heard them. I wiped my tears with the back of my hand and smiled softly.

"Thank you, sir." I said.

When Dr. Cullen left, I realized that it wasn't the fear of being unsafe that upset me. His absence saddened me. My mind suddenly filled with images of the day my mother took me from my father's arms. It was almost the same feeling I had now.

That made me more aware of how stupid I was, Dr. Cullen was kind and absolutely the most generous person I ever met. But it was wrong of me to have fatherly feelings for him.

Regardless of all he had done for me, I still didn't completely trust him. I might never trust anyone again. I knew so little about him, and what I knew could all be lies. Even this deal might be.

Nothing specific made me doubt Dr. Cullen's intentions, but I had learned the hard way that bad people hid their cruel nature behind soft smiles and sweet words.

I shouldn't expect to be friends; I was merely a medical experiment to him. Probably no more precious than Smokey was.

_Stupid Bella!_

After I mentally slapped myself for being so dumb, I slumped on the bed and curled into a ball. This was going to be a long night. I only hoped the nightmares wouldn't be too intense.

~WtSGD~ 

**Author Note:**

_Hmmm … So, Bella and the assistant are now home alone. What could possibly happen? ;)_


	15. Chapter 10 Part 2

**SM owns Twilight.**

**(CozItRunsInMyBlood /Rose B. Mashal) owns the plot.**

**(BandMum) is the wonderful beta.**

**Chapter 10 Part 2**

The next day started at 4:45 AM and I decided not to try to go back to sleep. Two nightmares were enough for one night.

The worst thing about my nightmares were the feelings that lingered after I was awake. One of these nightmares was new. I dreamed Dr. Cullen's flight crashed, and he didn't survive. I woke up wailing like an infant, and the gripping in my chest lasted while I showered and dressed. Maybe a little after that.

In one corner of the lab, Dr. Cullen had a fridge where he kept some of his medical items, injections and materials he needed for his experiences. I kept some food there, as well.

He offered to get a small fridge for my room, but I told him not to. It wasn't necessary since there was already one in the lab. He thought I would be upset by the things in there, but he was wrong. I've seen worse things, to let some syringes and blood bags bother me.

I quietly took out the milk and brought it back to my room. I made a bowl of cereal for breakfast, careful not to make any noise that would disturb Smokey's sleep.

When I finished eating, I took my medications. That was the only reason I ate anything since I had no appetite. The painkillers were so strong that they gave me a stomachache if I didn't eat first.

After the meds kicked in, I put on my winter jacket and took a walk around the garden, which I had come to like very much. The weather was cold, but extremely refreshing, and I needed that.

My nightmare was still worrying me as I sat on one of the benches and fidgeted with my cellphone. I wondered if I could call Dr. Cullen to see if he was okay. He said I could call him whenever, but I didn't want to bother him, especially when I only wanted to ask if he landed safely. He had more important stuff to do than reply to my silly questions.

Eventually, I pocketed my phone and decided to go back inside. It was getting colder by the minute and the last thing I wanted was to get sick again. I already had enough of that.

When I returned to the lab, Smokey was awake. He made some happy noises when he saw me approaching. Getting closer, I realized that he was eating his breakfast and I chuckled. Surely, he liked his food more than he liked me.

"Good morning, buddy!" I smiled, "What do you have there?"

Smokey stopped eating and gazed at his basket of fruit for a moment. He looked at me, then at his food and offered me an apple.

"Aww! So sweet of you, but I already ate." I told him, and he continued eating. He was too cute for words. "Wait, where did you get it from?" I asked, frowning in confusion.

Smokey didn't respond, not that I expected an answer, but I realized he was very intelligent, and we frequently communicated well. He always made an effort to 'reply' to my questions one way or another.

I looked around his cage to see if Dr. Cullen left a supply of food, but I didn't find any. I wondered how Smokey was going to eat for the next days since only Dr. Cullen fed him and had asked me not to. But I didn't say anything about it as I was aware it wouldn't go unnoticed by him, and I was always careful about bothering him with many questions.

Finally, I noticed the security camera in one corner of the cage, and I realized the assistant must have brought Smokey's breakfast. I didn't know how to feel about that. I knew he was somewhere in the house, but I didn't expect he would come to the lab while Dr. Cullen was away.

What if he wasn't a good guy like Dr. Cullen said he was? What if he hurt me while I stayed here, alone, and helpless? Anxious thoughts started to invade my mind.

I shook my head in an attempt to shrug them away. The assistant couldn't be a bad guy. He was in my room yesterday. He was so quiet that I didn't even feel his presence, and I am a light sleeper. He could have hurt me then if he wanted to, but he didn't – he gave me roses.

Taking a deep breath, I returned to my glass-room. I decided to look at my painting supplies to see if I can start on something. Maybe it would take my mind off of my anxious thoughts and horrible memories.

~WtSGD~

By the end of the day, I hadn't drawn anything, but I organized the supplies and intended to try tomorrow. I didn't have a specific idea in mind, but I knew it would feel good to handle the brushes and mix the colors. I had dreamed of doing just that for so long.

My stomach growled and I decided to have another bowl of cereal, my third today. Just as I was about to pour the milk, my phone went off.

I put it down on the counter and ran back to my room to get the call. Since only Dr. Cullen had my number, I knew it must be him calling to make sure everything was going all right.

I smiled when his name flashed on my screen. "Hello!"

"_Bella! How are you doing, dear?" _

Hearing his voice made me smile in relief.

"I'm doing fine, sir. I took my medication and was about to have dinner to take the night dose." I told him.

"_Yes, you had cereal for breakfast and lunch, and now you want to have cereal for dinner?" _

My eyebrows shot up to my hairline and my eyes widened. "Er …"

"_Bella, you_ _promised to take care of yourself and eat well."_

"Cereal is fine, sir. I haven't broken my promise," I said quickly, afraid I had angered him.

"_Cereal is not real food, dear. I told you to order something or go out to eat."_

"I don't really want to go out," I said honestly.

"_That's fine. Tell me what you would like to have for dinner."_

"You don't have to worry about that, sir. I'm sure you're busy with work."

"_Exactly. Please, don't do it again. Now, what would you like to eat?"_

"Anything is fine, really," I said and he sighed.

"_All right then, dear. I'll have Edward order you something."_

"Thank you, sir." My cheeks flushed with embarrassment as he ended the call.

_Edward? The E. from E. M.? His assistant?_

I looked up at one of the cameras and imagined him sitting behind the screen, carefully monitoring everything I did and taking notes. My stare was long and intense, then I spit out, "Snitch!" before going to put the milk back in the fridge.

About twenty minutes later, Dr. Cullen texted that my food was right outside the lab. That was odd. If the assistant got it from the delivery man by the gates – since Dr. Cullen didn't like strangers on his property – why he didn't give it to me himself? Why was he hiding? Was he afraid I'd try to talk to him? Did he think I wasn't worthy of a "hello"? Considering we lived in the same house, I'd like to know what he looked like. I wasn't sure what to think.

After I collected the brown paper bag, I closed the door and locked it. I was the only one who used that door, anyway. Dr. Cullen always came in from one on the other side of the lab, probably a private door into the house.

Setting the bag on the table, I was surprised to find a note on it written in the same neat handwriting from the diary.

'_Sorry. Snitch is not sorry.' _

My mouth fell open for a moment before I broke into a fit of giggles, embarrassed to realize he heard me. The smile didn't leave my face the whole time I was eating. I wasn't sure when I felt so… _light_. Maybe never, and all due to a simple line from a complete stranger.

When I finished my baked chicken and potato salad, I cleared the table and cleaned it. Then I put everything back where it was; the vase, the diary, and the elegant pen.

I read the line in the diary for the fifth time that day, then closed it. I touched the rose petals, then bent down and sniffed; they still smelled so good. I reread the note that came with my dinner before tucking it into the diary.

Looking up at one of the cameras, I hoped he heard me clearly this time.

"Thank you." It was the least I could do. He reported my poor eating habits to Dr. Cullen for my benefit. He gave me roses and made me smile more than once today.

My eighteenth birthday was the best one I had since I left Forks as a child. At least this one wasn't out in the cold streets, or trapped in my stepfather's basement with a broken bone or black eye.

Before bed, I brushed my teeth, then went to the closet for pajamas. My brow creased as I heard thumps coming from upstairs.

Footsteps. I was hearing footsteps. Someone was running inside the house. More than one someone.

_What the heck?_

~WtSGD~

_**Author Note:**_

_**I would LOVE to hear what you're thinking, please, leave me a review. :***_


	16. Chapter 11 Part 1

**SM owns Twilight.**

**(CozItRunsInMyBlood /Rose B. Mashal) owns the plot.**

**(BandMum) is the wonderful beta.**

**Chapter 11 Part 1**

I couldn't trust people. Not one person. How could I possibly trust anyone when those closest to me have hurt me? They have hurt me so deeply it was difficult to see any goodness left in this world. I just couldn't; trust wasn't even an option.

In all truth, I didn't trust Dr. Cullen. I believed him because I didn't have any other choice. I was dying anyway - what could possibly happen to me worse than that?

I knew firsthand that there were many things that were harsher and more painful than death. But then again, I _had_ already seen it all. I was used to being hurt and humiliated. I couldn't think of anything that Dr. Cullen could do to me which I haven't already endured.

Dr. Cullen fed me and gave me shelter. He treated me when I was sick, and continued to do so to ease my pain. He gave me no reason _not_ to trust him - being mysterious and scary weren't enough. Everyone had their own secrets, and I was scared of all people. I couldn't judge Dr. Cullen because of that.

There was no doubt in my head about how good he seemed to be, but looks could be deceiving, I learned that the hard way.

I lay in bed on my side, my knees touching my chest as I curled into a ball. I was shaking and sweating. My racing heartbeat didn't seem to be slowing down at all.

There was nothing terrifying about hearing footsteps on the floor above, but that was for normal people. Insane people like me didn't find anything normal about it. All I could think was that Dr. Cullen had lied to me. Or maybe he didn't actually lie, but he hid the fact that there was someone other than his assistant living there. Dishonesty and secrets petrified me.

At the back of my mind, I realized that they could be visitors, and that it shouldn't concern me. But I had been convinced that the house was secure and private. Dr. Cullen didn't even allow a delivery guy there.

The situation wasn't scary, but the thoughts running through my head made it feel frightening.

The night was too long. I dozed off a couple of times only to wake up, startled by an unknown nightmare. I heard my stepfather's giggles ringing in my ear and I jumped out of bed, searching the room for him.

The intrusive thoughts continued into thinking that Dr. Cullen was lying to me about every single thing. I started making up different scenarios, and they all ended with me facing a horrible death. Though truthfully, I had never thought I would have a normal death, anyway. With or without Dr. Cullen being involved.

The morning couldn't come fast enough. Smokey was the only reason I didn't die from fear right there. My anxiety would probably kill me someday. Watching the little monkey move around his cage, making soft noises, took my mind off my constant feeling of danger. Well, just a bit.

I thought a shower might ease the tension that was surrounding my whole being, so I stepped into the shower stall and turned on the hot water. I tried to lose myself in the clean steamy feeling which I had craved before for so long, but couldn't have, when I lived on the streets.

I was wrong, though. The hot shower didn't do anything to ease my discomfort. I couldn't wash the terrified thoughts away.

I wrapped a bathrobe around my body and got out of the shower. I had one leg outside the stall when I caught my other foot on something. Before I could stop myself, I fell and hit my head, so hard I saw nothing but complete darkness.

~WtSGD~

All I could see was flash after flash, and all I could feel was pain. I remember feeling extremely cold, then warm, but the pain didn't go away.

"Bella? Bella? Can you hear me?" I _did_ hear him, but I couldn't answer. I couldn't even open my eyes. My whole body felt so heavy and – numb.

"Shit!" I heard him curse, but I wasn't sure if it was after he asked if I could hear him, or before. "Stay with me, please."

_Who is he?_ _I don't recognize his voice._

Even in my condition, the thought scared me.

It was too difficult to focus on anything. I felt like the bed underneath me was moving, then the whole room was spinning, and then I was in darkness again.

"Bella, please, if you can hear me, open your eyes or nod," he begged me, and I tried, I really did, but nothing happened. So numb.

"It's okay, you'll be okay." His voice, though deep and gruff, was so comforting and reassuring. Strangely, it sent a calm over me. That was a first.

The pain was intense, and everything in my head turned from darkness to fog. Lots and lots of heavy fog. I realized that the person with the comforting voice was still there, close by – I could recognize his scent. He was wearing one of those extremely expensive colognes that Mrs. Coper had samples of, but never sold the actual bottles.

I dozed off for what felt like only a minute, but might have been hours. I didn't know.

"Call me as soon as you land," I heard him say, but I didn't understand what he meant.

Finally, I felt like I could control my body, and I was able to open my eyes slightly. My head was throbbing, and I was sweating hard although the temperature in the room was the same as always.

A soft moan escaped my mouth when I tried to move my head. The pain was intense, but I had felt worse; I could bear it. If my body didn't feel so heavy…

"Bella?"

I opened my eyes in the direction of the voice. My vision was blurry, almost the same as when I tried on the glasses of one of my father's old friends when I was little. I could only see figures, no details.

"Can you hear me, Bella?"

I frowned, my eyes falling on green ones, full of concern and worry. I dared to think they were worried about me, as crazy as that sounded.

Before I could speak, I started to recognize my surroundings. I knew I fell in the bathroom. I knew I probably injured my head given how intense the pain was, and I knew I wasn't fully dressed.

I started panicking, my chest heaving as I realized his hand was on my bare arm. A tear fell at the same moment I made eye contact with the man with the comforting voice and deep green eyes. Fear consumed me as the bad thoughts attacked my head.

I could only think of how vulnerable I was, lying in this bed, unsure if I was wearing any clothes, and too weak to resist. The feeling of his hand on my arm was enough to send me straight into a panic attack.

It all happened so quickly. He asked if I could hear him, and my eyes met his at the same second I felt his hand on me. He stepped back almost immediately at the sight of my panicking face, reached back and pulled a hoodie over his head, almost hiding his face completely from my sight.

Not a moment later, I could make out his form as he reached up to inject something into an IV I was sure was inserted in my arm, though I couldn't actually see it.

My breaths evened out quickly, and his green eyes looking back at me over his shoulder were the last thing I saw. The concern in them was now mixed with sorrow and… embarrassment.

~WtSGD~

Whispering woke me from my sleep. It was the first time I felt like I slept peacefully. I hadn't experienced that in a very long time, almost a decade. I wonder if a hit on the head was all it took for me to get hours of restful sleep with no nightmares. If so, I'd gladly slip in the bathroom more often.

"I tried calling you a thousand times!"

"I came straight from the airport, Edward. It's not like I had a choice!" Dr. Cullen said, and I almost jumped out of the bed in excitement, hearing that he was here, home, safe.

_Edward… _

"She should wake up anytime now. I think she was going to have a panic attack when she woke up and saw me."

"It's not the fact that she saw _you_. I told you she's scared of strangers," Dr. Cullen said.

"Right," Edward replied, though it sounded like he didn't believe him. I didn't understand what they were talking about.

"You did a great job, though. An X-ray, stitches, and the right dosage of the right medication. I'm proud of you, son."

"I wish I hadn't had to do it," Edward said sadly, and I wondered why. "She falls and hits her head a lot."

"She's clumsy."

"I don't think it has anything to do with clumsiness, Carlisle. She's too weak. We need to start the treatment as soon as possible or she'll…" he paused, "Or she'll fall again and not get up." His voice was sad and I couldn't allow myself to believe he was feeling sorry for me. I was worthless.

Dr. Cullen sighed. "I couldn't agree more," he said. After a moment he asked, "Now, tell me: how are the girls?"

_Girls? What girls?_

~WtSGD~

**Author Note:**  
Oh, Edward is here! *fans self*  
But seems like he has lots of secrets himself. Can you guess any? ;)  
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_Join my readers' group on Facebook if you haven't yet. I post teasers of next chapter there. (CozItRunsInMyBlood)_

_Until we meet later…_

_Love and kisses._

_Cozy._


	17. Chapter 11 Part 2

**SM owns Twilight.**

**(CozItRunsInMyBlood /Rose B. Mashal) owns the plot.**

**(BandMum) is the wonderful beta.**

Chapter 11 Part 2

Unfortunately, they walked away before Edward could answer the question and it was extremely difficult to hear what they were saying. I was aware that they hadn't actually left the basement because the door that led inside the house made a squeaking noise when it opened.

I still pretended to be asleep, not moving an inch, hoping I could hear more of what they were saying. All the while I lay there, my mind invented a hundred thoughts about who "the girls" were that Dr. Cullen asked about.

_Who and where were they?_

Maybe they were their girlfriends? Maybe they lived with them? That could explain the footsteps I heard yesterday. But Dr. Cullen never mentioned he had any relationship after his wife passed away. Not that I asked, or had the right to know, but he sounded like he was still grieving her. Maybe he would forever.

Also, I couldn't help but think that they could be other lab-rats. Dr. Cullen could have lied about me being the first human to test this medication. Maybe things went wrong and he had to hide them somewhere in that big house. Maybe Edward was monitoring them like he did with me. Was that why Dr. Cullen asked about them right after Edward explained my condition to him?

I didn't know. It could also be that the experiment had gone very well and they were now allowed inside the house. But my thoughts were too negative and dark to linger on something like that. Also, it would still mean that Dr. Cullen lied to me.

Exhaustion took over and I fell back to sleep while still trying to work out who the girls were. It wasn't long before I woke up again, startled from yet another nightmare which I didn't remember, and I was grateful for that.

I sat up on the bed and was attempting to get up when I heard Dr. Cullen's voice.

"Don't leave the bed, dear."

I jumped back a little, not expecting anyone to be in the room. I didn't know what time it was, but since Smokey wasn't making noises I assumed he was asleep, and he only slept a few hours in the early morning each day.

"I'm sorry, sir." I had no idea why I was apologizing, but knew I had to. Then I remembered how much Dr. Cullen disliked that, and I wanted to apologize for apologizing. Thankfully, he started talking before I decided what to say next.

"Be easy on yourself, Bella. You have a minor concussion and bled a little. Don't move too fast," he said from his spot on the chair.

"Yes, sir," I replied, trying my best not to show how freaked out I was by what he just said.

"How do you feel now?" He closed his laptop and turned to face me, waiting for my answer.

"My head hurts a little, and I feel nauseous," I told him hesitantly. Deep inside, I thought I shouldn't tell him how I truly felt; it could make him mad. But I also knew that he needed to know exactly how I was feeling for the medical record. He often encouraged me to do just that. It was difficult to change the habit of suffering in silence.

Dr. Cullen shook his head, pressing his lips into a thin line, and I wondered if I had pissed him off with my answer. "I'm very sorry you had to go through this, dear."

I frowned. Did he really feel sorry for my pain? Or did I hit my head so hard I was imagining things? I would go with the latter. I would always go with the latter. I was aware I was worthless.

"Th-thank you, sir." I wasn't sure if that was the right answer. I couldn't remember the last time someone told me they felt sorry for me. Maybe never.

"You were lucky Edward noticed your absence. I don't want to think of what might have happened if he had waited longer before deciding something was wrong and came to check on you."

I looked away, embarrassed and scared, but I also felt a tingle of warmth spread over my heart. It was difficult to believe someone cared enough to check on why I had taken so long in the bathroom.

_You're as precious as a lab-rat, idiot_, a voice in my head reminded me, and I internally nodded in agreement.

"Your assistant?" I asked, almost positive the answer was "yes", but wanted to make sure.

"That's right."

"Please, thank him on my behalf," I said.

"Will do." Dr. Cullen smiled.

"May I use the bathroom, sir?"

"Only if you feel you can hold yourself upright, dear." I nodded. I left the bed with shaky legs. My head felt very heavy, almost too heavy to hold up, but I managed to get inside the bathroom and close the door behind me.

I was still in the bathrobe I had wrapped myself in before I fell, and I couldn't shrug the feeling of embarrassment away. Fear crept into my heart with my dark thoughts, that I could have been naked in front of the two men while I was unconscious.

Swallowing thickly, I finished my business as fast as my body would let me. When I went to wash my hands, I almost scared myself with my reflection in the mirror. I had a full head bandage, and I looked miserable.

_Great! At least the bandage is a new look. _

When I came back from the bathroom, I had dressed in a T-shirt so big it was almost a gown and underwear. I was too tired to put on anything else. Dr. Cullen was still in the same spot, but back to typing on his laptop again.

He stopped when he saw me approach, and asked if he could help me to the bed.

"I'm fine, sir," I lied, going straight to sit on the bed, and Dr. Cullen sighed. I wondered if he could see through my bullshit. I looked anything but fine.

"Bella, we need to start the experiment as soon as possible. You're getting sicker by the minute. I don't want to think of what could happen if we don't. You might fall again, but never get up." My chest tightened at his words, and my nose tingled with the threat of oncoming tears. He was saying I was probably going to die very soon. Of course, he saw how bad I was getting, day by day.

"I understand that. We can start the examination at any time, sir." I looked down, my head throbbing with the slight movement.

"Are you sure about that, Bella?"

"Yes, sir. I'm sure."

Dr. Cullen was silent for a few moments before he spoke again. "Dear, I understand you don't like to be touched, and I'm aware it's out of your control that we can't start the examination without sending you straight into a panic attack. I truly don't want to push you to accept it, but you really need it, Bella."

"I understand that, sir."

"Look, I could give you something to make you more relaxed during the examination," he suggested, but I didn't say anything. "Or even something that could put you to sleep…"

"I would like that," I interrupted, looking him in the eye. I liked the idea. I could go to sleep, he would do the examination, and I could pretend it never happened. I won't have a memory of it. I had enough bad memories to last a lifetime and more. I was willing to give up making a new one.

"That's good, Bella," he said. "It's a place to start."

I nodded slightly, trying to return his smile. I knew I wouldn't stop stressing about it; I wouldn't be able to stop the thoughts. But it was better than nothing. It was time to hold up my end of the deal.

~WtSGD~

Author note:

My book "Black Keys – the second edition" is on pre-order on Amazon. Link is on my profile. :)

**To save a stranger's life, she put her own in the hands of a man who represented everything she loathed.  
**  
Young CEO Marie Archer was shocked when her brother, Joseph, returned from the Middle East with a contract for a new office in the Kingdom of Alfaidya, a royal fiancée, and a wedding four days away.  
Despite her concern over his rush to get married, there was nothing Marie wouldn't do for Joseph. She silenced the alarm bells echoing in her head and traveled halfway across the world with him to attend the wedding.  
The language barrier in Alfaidya disoriented Marie, and she was bewildered when traditions demanded her involvement in the ceremony as the groom's sister.  
The bride's brother, Crown Prince Mazen Alfaidy, fascinated Marie; a breathtakingly handsome man with mysterious eyes, his silent attentions to her only increased her confusion.  
The last thing she expected was the brutal betrayal by her beloved brother, forcing her into an arranged marriage with Prince Mazen to seal a Sisters Trading deal.  
Confined in the palace with a perfect stranger - a husband she doesn't know or trust - Marie's life is riddled with lies and secrets. Royal intrigue, traditions, and rules have put her in danger. Now, the new princess has a lot to learn, and many black keys to find.  
Can she open her heart to a world so unlike her own, or will her prejudices prevent her from finding happiness?  
_Because when it comes to love, rules blur and traditions fade.  
._

_._

_._

_Until we meet later …  
Cozy_


	18. Chapter 12

**SM owns Twilight.**

**(CozItRunsInMyBlood /Rose B. Mashal) owns the plot.**

**(BandMum) is the wonderful beta.**

**Chapter 12 **

Dr. Cullen had to work the next day, so he delayed the examination until the one after that. I wasn't sure if that was the truth, or if he wanted to see my reaction to the news. I gave him a blank look and said that I understood he had to go in to the hospital.

I wasn't happy, but I wasn't sad about it. I felt nothing. Maybe a little disappointed that I wouldn't get to be knocked out by meds into a rest with no nightmares but that was it.

The constant headache was worse and needing to throw up every few hours didn't help. My stomach was empty, but I still felt nauseated all day long. It was unpleasant, so every time I felt sleepy, I welcomed it with open arms.

Dr. Cullen set up an IV with a slow drip in my arm before he left. From previous experience, I knew it would take from four to six hours to finish, and I was positive I would have to take it out myself because Dr. Cullen wasn't expected to return until night.

From my spot on the bed, I could see Smokey playing around. He kept me entertained better than the TV since I couldn't stand the noise coming from it. I wasn't sure if Smokey could see me or not, but I could almost swear he was trying to get my attention. I wished I could get up and pay him a visit, but my body protested every little thing I did.

I fell asleep as I waited for my IV to finish, then startled awake, thinking that I overslept and it was running air into my veins. I wasn't sure if that was possible, but those things always terrified me.

Instead, the IV was almost full, and it took me several moments to realize that Edward had probably replaced it with a new one. I couldn't understand how he came and went so quietly without waking me up. I was quite a light sleeper, but I never heard the door to my glass room open or close. I didn't sense him at all.

After staying in bed for an hour or more doing nothing, I realized I wasn't going to go back to sleep. I got up to go to the bathroom, planning to take it slow since I was dragging the IV pole along with me, but practically had to run when nausea hit my already empty stomach as soon as I stood.

I sat on the bathroom floor for a while, waiting to see if the need to vomit had completely passed before I went back to bed. It would save me the hassle of a return trip, since holding myself together was quite painful.

The sound of my phone finally forced me to get up. I used the IV pole to support my wobbly legs, fighting pain with every step I took towards the phone.

The ringtone stopped a few seconds before I reached it but went off again a moment later. I frowned as I saw a number flashing on the screen, and not Dr. Cullen's name. I wasn't sure what to do at first, but supposed he might be calling me from another number.

"Hello?" I answered hesitantly.

"_Bella! Are you okay?"_ The worry and concern I heard in his voice didn't keep me from recognizing it. It was the voice from the day before and it almost sounded as if he cared for my well-being.

It took me a long moment to reply as I wondered if it was really Dr. Cullen's assistant or somebody else. But who else could it be? After all, he had my number and knew my name.

I looked up at the camera, then sank onto my bed, too weak to keep standing. "Edward?" I asked, my eyes still on the small red lights circling the camera's lens.

He paused for a second before replying. _"Yes. It's Edward. Are you okay?"_ he repeated.

"I- uh, I'm fine, sir," I said, looking down at the floor, and biting my lip.

"_Thank God!"_ He sounded relieved. _"You were in the bathroom so long, I got worried. I thought you fell and hit your head again."_

"I didn't mean to make you worry, sir," was the only thing I could think to say.

I heard him sigh. _"Please, don't call me 'sir' too. Edward is fine."_

I didn't know what he meant by 'too.' Did many people call him 'sir,' and he didn't like it? Or did he mean that he didn't want to be called 'sir' because I called Dr. Cullen that? In either case, I needed to obey.

"Edward," I nodded, not sure if he could see me or not, but since he knew when I went to the bathroom and how long I was there – he probably was watching. Closely.

"_That's a good girl."_ I could hear the smile in his voice, and my stomach turned at the sound.

I dropped the phone in my rush to the bathroom, and started dry heaving over the toilet. In my mind, it wasn't Edward's warm voice saying those words; it wasn't nice, and it didn't include a sweet smile. My stepfather's voice rang in my ears, over and over again. That's what _he_ said when I obeyed him and did the things he told me to do.

"_That's a good girl."_ I used to hear those words along with the sound of my soul being crushed.

~WtSGD~

When I got back to bed, my phone rang again, but I pretended not to hear. I assumed it was Edward. He probably called in the first place because Dr. Cullen was too busy to call himself.

I pulled the cover over my head and hoped for a tiny bit of control over my thoughts after those words had been planted in my brain. It was going to be a long day, and a long night.

Fortunately, he didn't call again, but the feeling of being watched lingered. I knew he was watching, and probably wanted to ask how I was feeling. It may even have been important for the experiment, but I couldn't talk to him. I was scared for no obvious reason.

When the second IV finished, I sat up and removed it myself. I wasn't feeling better, but the pain was a little less intense. The painkillers didn't do much. Soon nothing would work, and I hoped that whatever Dr. Cullen had planned could help. Maybe it would at least ease the pain.

Somehow, I fell asleep, and woke to the warm smell of chicken soup teasing my nose. My stomach growled, and I sat up to search for the source.

A large bowl of soup sat on my nightstand, and a feeling of being cared for brought a small smile to my lips at the sight.

The noises Smokey was making drew my attention, and my heart skipped a beat when I glanced his way.

Standing in front of his cage was a tall man in a hoodie, his back turned towards me. I swallowed nervously; it wasn't Dr. Cullen.

But he was feeding Smokey, so he must be the assistant who took care of the lab rats: Smokey and me. It was silly to think of myself as anything else. He hadn't brought me the soup because I was worth caring about. I was merely a tool in an experiment.

Still, I was grateful to have food and shelter. I couldn't deny that just because I got the same attention that Smokey did.

_But Smokey wasn't given a cell phone_.

I attempted to see the brighter side, but that didn't last.

_That's why they want to do the experiment on you, idiot. To talk to them. You're nothing to them but a talking monkey._ A voice in my headed reminded me, and I nodded to it and looked down.

Moving closer to the glass wall that defined my room, I tried to get a better look at this mysterious assistant. When Smokey saw me, he made louder noises, and the assistant looked over his shoulder at me.

Piercing green eyes met mine, warm, yet tinged with sadness and heartache. I was taken aback by the number of emotions I read in them from just one glance, lasting no more than a second.

Before I knew it, Mysterious Assistant was heading for the door that led inside the house. I gathered the courage to speak to him: I wanted to thank him for the soup, for checking on me, and for saving my life when I was passed out and bleeding on the bathroom floor.

"Edward?" I called after him, but he didn't answer. I tried again, a little louder, "Edward!"

He didn't respond, and I watched as he stepped inside and closed the door. He heard me and chose to ignore me, hurrying when I called his name.

I stared at the door, wondering why he kept avoiding me.

~WtSGD~

My curiosity about Edward, and why I wanted to talk to him, baffled me. Part of it was because he took care of me, and I wanted to thank him. But I wasn't convinced that was the full truth. There was something else.

Maybe I wanted to know more about him _because_ he tried to avoid talking to me. Maybe it was that he watched me 24/7 while I knew absolutely nothing about him and only recently learned his name. Maybe it was utter boredom - I wasn't sure.

I guess since I avoided people so much, it was interesting to find someone who actively avoided _me_. I found myself thinking a lot about him, wondering what exactly he helped Dr. Cullen with, other than watching me and Smokey. Obviously, he was in the medical field. After all, he stitched me up and X-rayed my head.

I wondered how old he was, though he appeared younger than Dr. Cullen. He had a deep voice, but not the kind that gets deeper with age – it was like that naturally.

I wondered if he wanted someone else to do the experience on. I wondered about the girls Dr. Cullen asked him about. I wondered if I would see him again; actually _see_ him.

Before I knew it, Dr. Cullen came in through the outer door, and I was shocked to realize that hours had passed as I lay there, doing nothing but thinking about the mysterious assistant.

To be honest, it was a nice change. At least, my thoughts weren't flashbacks of awful events I'd experienced. It was peaceful. Peace was rarely a thing I could find inside my head.

"Bella!" Dr. Cullen greeted me. "How are you feeling now, dear?"

I smiled softly and attempted to sit up, but he waved me back down. "I feel much better. Thank you, sir."

"That's good to hear," he smiled back, putting his bag on the small table, and opening it. "May I look at your stitches?"

My eyes traveled to his hands when he asked, and I was relieved to see him put on medical gloves. He had a knowing look in his eye, aware it was the only way I would allow him to touch my head.

"Yes, sir."

I was quiet while Dr. Cullen checked on me, trying my best to think about anything for distraction. I still felt uncomfortable with how close he was, but I wasn't going to push him away when he only wanted to help.

"Looks great. Edward did a very good job. The scar will be almost invisible, I promise," said the man who fed me and gave me shelter, and I wanted to laugh at his words. Did he really think I cared what I looked like, or how I appeared? It was merely another scar, not nearly as big as the ones in my heart and soul, not even close.

I nodded with thin lips, deciding not to say anything. It didn't matter, really.

"Are you ready for your examination tomorrow?" he asked as he took off the gloves and threw them in the trash can.

"As ready as I'll ever be," I said quietly.

"You do know that you don't have to do anything you don't want to, right?" He asked the same question he had asked me many times before.

"I'm aware, sir," I said, knowing that my words weren't convincing, so I added, "I just hope we can move on to the treatment; I'm in so much pain." It was the truth.

"I'm very sorry, kid. I hope the same."

~WtSGD~

Breakfast was delayed until after the examination and tests Dr. Cullen wanted to run. He promised he would be quick about it, and I told him several times that I wasn't hungry.

"Would you like me to tell you what I'm going to do while you're asleep, Bella? Would it make you more comfortable?" he asked as I lay on the table in a surgical gown.

"I'd rather not." I just wanted to fall asleep and wake up with no memory of all this. I didn't want to know what he was going to do. He couldn't hurt me more than I was already hurt even if he tried, anyway.

"Are you still sure you want to be unconscious during the process? Because I could give you something to relieve the anxiety and-"

"I _want_ to be asleep. I'm sure. Positive," I said, hoping he would get on with it already.

"All right. If you have any questions before we begin, I would be happy to answer them."

I shook my head, "Let's start." I was about to close my eyes and try to clear my mind when one thought came rushing forward. "Wait!"

Dr. Cullen paused. "Yes, Bella?"

"Will Edw- will your assistant join you?" I asked, dreading the answer.

"No. But he will watch."

I swallowed thickly. "Is that necessary?" I asked. Something about him watching the examination made my chest feel tight. I couldn't explain why I felt that way.

Instead of answering my question, Dr. Cullen asked another one. "Does it make you uncomfortable?"

I bit my lip and looked away, not sure what I was supposed to say. I was afraid that telling the truth would upset him, but I didn't want to lie to him, either.

"Y-yes, sir," I said hesitantly.

"That's perfectly fine," he said, then without looking up, he spoke. "Edward, turn off all the cameras in the lab."

I took a deep breath. Dr. Cullen had just confirmed that Edward was able to hear whatever was said in the lab. I broke into a cold sweat as I realized he heard me say I didn't want him watching. I hoped he didn't think I was being a jerk. Unreasonably, the idea of upsetting him bothered me.

"Look at any camera, Bella. No red lights. It means that the cameras are shut down," Dr. Cullen reassured me, indicating a few of the cameras surrounding the lab.

My eyes followed to where he pointed, and true to his word, they were all now turned off.

Ironically, a sensation of loneliness and abandonment started to invade my chest at the sight. I was losing my mind.

As Dr. Cullen put a plastic mask over my mouth and nose, releasing a gas with an unpleasant smell, I couldn't stop thinking about Edward and what he could be doing now.

The thought of _him_ took my mind off the dark thoughts I imagined would fill my head at that moment, and despite everything that was going on, I wasn't as scared as I expected to be. It was more than I hoped for.

As I slipped into a deep sleep, the only thing that terrified me were the questions Dr. Cullen was sure to ask after the examination, because I knew I wouldn't be able to answer any of them.

~WtSGD~

**Author note:** Who's still reading? Leave me a review so I know you're there. :) 


	19. Chapter 13

**SM owns Twilight.**

**(CozItRunsInMyBlood /Rose B. Mashal) owns the plot.**

**(BandMum) is the wonderful beta.**

Chapter 13

It was a strange sensation - I fell asleep, and the next thing I knew, I was waking up in a different place. I could tell because it was softer, and warmer.

My body was heavy, and it took me a moment to realize that the drugs Dr. Cullen had given me were probably wearing off. I didn't try to move, but I looked around to see if I was really back in my bed or imagining it.

It felt like just a minute ago I was on the other side of the lab, on an examining table that had a cushioned leather top with no pillow. It felt like things had changed in the span of a blink.

The glass room was empty, the lab was quiet, and I felt so alone.

My eyes drifted to one of the security cameras in a corner of my room, and I stared at it. Calm washed over me when I noticed that they had been turned back on. I didn't understand how being closely watched by a complete stranger could make me feel that way, but I guess feeling that I wasn't alone was enough to settle my anxiety.

I wasn't sure how long I lay there, watching the lens of the camera as if it had the answers to all my questions. It was longer than a few minutes, because I heard Dr. Cullen coming into the lab through the inside door.

"Hey, Bella!" he greeted me when he entered the room, placing a tray of food on my small table.

"Hey." My voice was small through a tired smile.

"How do you feel?" he asked as he came closer to my bed. Looking over some things on my nightstand, he picked up a pair of medical gloves and began to put them on.

"I feel okay," I told him.

"Any pain?" he asked, his eyes focused on the gloves.

"Nothing more than usual."

Dr. Cullen nodded, and was silent for a minute as he took my temperature. "Good. Raise your arm, please." I attempted to do he asked, only then noticing that I had been neatly tucked in with the light blanket up to my neck.

Dr. Cullen checked my blood pressure and my pulse, then wrote everything down in a notebook he kept in his lab coat. When he was finished, he put the instruments back on the nightstand, removed the gloves and threw them in the trash.

"Well, everything looks fine for now," he said. "I brought you cream of chicken soup. Do you feel like eating?"

"Yes, sir," I said, smiling at him, as he turned to get the tray.

When I sat up, I felt the usual pain in my head grow sharper and more intense. I grimaced and clutched the back of my head as if that would stop the pain.

"Are you okay?"

"Just a headache."

"You better have your soup then, so you can take your medication," he said as he put the tray on my lap.

"Thank you, sir."

"You're welcome, Bella. I hope you enjoy it."

It sounded like he was about to leave, so I asked, "Will you tell me how the examination went?" I never thought I would be the one to bring it up.

"It went well, dear. I got all the information I needed to be able to start the treatment. Once the experiment begins, I'll be able to compare it to the new data, before and after," he said, looking at the tray on my lap.

"Oh, that's a good thing," I said awkwardly.

"It is. Is there anything you need?" It seemed like he couldn't wait to flee from the room.

"Is everything okay?" I replied to him with a question of my own, and he glanced at me for a brief second before he looked away. I realized then that he hadn't looked me in the eye since he entered the room.

"Yes, of course. Everything is okay, dear," he said, "Enjoy your meal and take your medications. I will come back later."

Dr. Cullen turned towards the door of my room, and I knew my assumption was right; he didn't want to stay a minute longer than necessary.

I expected he would have a lot of questions for me once I woke up, but it was the complete opposite. Dr. Cullen didn't even want to look at me.

I probably disgusted him. He probably was wishing that he could have found a better girl to work with – or on. He must be trying to figure out how to get rid of me.

My stomach turned at the thought of going back to the street, to the hunger and cold and constant fear. I knew the fear had never left my heart, not even when I came here, but it wasn't as intense.

I felt my throat closing up. "Dr. Cullen, I'm sorry," I called out after him, and he stopped in his tracks. I watched with tear-filled eyes as he turned around and looked at me.

"Sorry about what, Bella?" He didn't look confused, he looked frustrated, and I knew then that my suspicious were true; he didn't want me anymore. I frustrated him, I made him mad, and after the examination – I knew I disgusted him, too.

"I – uh, I'm sorry I made you mad at me, sir." Tears slipped down my face. "Please, punish me whatever way that pleases you, but don't kick me out." I couldn't imagine having to live in dark alleys again, not when I had become weaker each day since the last time the street was my home. I wouldn't even be able to defend myself.

"Damn it, Bella! I'm not mad at you, I won't kick you out, and I sure won't punish you!" he said angrily, and I looked down, afraid. "You didn't do anything wrong. Even if you did, I would never harm you. _Please_, trust me."

"Yes, sir," I said with my head still down, and tears wetting my cheeks.

"Don't cry, Bella." I heard him step closer to me before he offered me a tissue.

A minute or two passed. "I can't do feelings," he said in a low voice, and I looked up at him with a frown.

"W-what?" I asked, wiping my tears.

"You need a compassionate person in your life. A friend. Someone you can trust." He seemed to be talking to himself more than to me. "I can't be that person; I can't do feelings."

"I- I trust you, sir," I said, and he shook his head.

"No, Bella. You don't." He sounded very sure of himself, and I wondered why he hadn't punished me for that if he already knew. Could he be honest about never punishing me? I found it hard to believe, although I wanted to.

"I don't need a friend," I told him.

"You need more than just a friend. You need someone you can talk to. Secrets grow heavier the longer we carry them inside; they could break your shoulders, and your heart. Sometimes we need someone to carry them with us, even for just a bit."

I looked down again, unable to find words to reply to him. Maybe he was right, but that was for normal people, not for me. My secrets would go with me to the grave.

After a long pause, Dr. Cullen spoke again. "I'm sorry if I sound mad. I promise it's not because of you. I'm mad _for_ you, and for the first time ever – I'm not sure what to do."

"I'm fine, sir." I was far from it. I knew it and he knew it, but I had a feeling he was hinting at what I feared the most.

"Listen, Bella. I don't think you realize how much money and power I have. Both are beyond your imagination, and then some. I'm capable of doing numerous things that your mind could never think are possible." I gulped, my eyes wide. "I'm not telling you this to scare you. I promised I would never harm you. I'm telling you this so you'll know that whoever hurt you – I could get you-"

"No!" I interrupted, my voice louder than I intended. "Please, don't. Don't go there." Tears formed in my eyes again, and my whole body flushed with heat.

"You won't have to be involved, but I'll get you your revenge."

"Please, Dr. Cullen. I can't. You can't… please." I started crying hysterically.

"It's all right, Bella." His voice was quiet and sad. I imagined I looked pathetic.

"You have to promise me that you won't search for him. Please, Dr. Cullen. Promise me."

His lips pressed into a thin line. "I promise you," he nodded, not seeming to like it. "I won't search for him unless you tell me otherwise. You have my word."

I nodded.

"But if you change your mind, I will have your back, supporting you and helping you through it."

"Thank you, sir," I said, knowing that I would never change my mind.

~WtSGD~

While I ate my bowl of soup, I couldn't stop thinking about what I would do if Dr. Cullen tried to contact my stepfather or go anywhere near him. Or what I would do if he decided he didn't want me anymore and kicked me out.

My survival instinct was increasing by the second, and I began plotting different scenarios to keep myself safe.

He had promised, but – what if he didn't really mean it? I couldn't risk it. I knew he could get all my information if he wanted to with the money and power he said he had, but he still respected my wish and didn't. I knew I should trust him, but I was almost positive that my ability to trust anyone was long gone.

Yes, Dr. Cullen may be a good person. He still hadn't given me any reason to think otherwise, but what if things went wrong and he did something, thinking it's in my best interest, only to end up hurting me? I couldn't risk that.

_I was eleven years old when I first escaped the house. I stole twenty dollars from mom while she was passed out on the sofa. Mr. Phil was at work, and he wouldn't come back until later that day. I had about five hours to run as far as I could._

_I kissed my unconscious mother and fled._

_I had no plan, I didn't bring clothes or food, and I spent twelve dollars to get to what I thought was far. Unfortunately, it wasn't far enough. When night came, someone noticed me sitting alone on one of the benches._

"_Hey kid, are you waiting for someone?" an old woman asked._

_My answer wasn't instant but was good enough to make her smile and leave. "Mom told me not to talk to strangers." _

_I was only eleven, but with the weight of a hundred years of misery on my shoulders. I wanted to survive. _

_Eventually, I knew I had to leave the bus station if I didn't want someone else to notice me and report it to my family. I started walking, with no destination in mind. I had no idea what I was going to do. All I could think about was the happiness consuming me because of how far away I was from the man who violated my body every single night and made me feel so badly about myself. _

_I was finally free. _

_Or so I thought._

_Everywhere seemed dark and empty. I was so scared, so hungry and very tired. After a while I came across a café that was still open. I sat at a corner outside, finding comfort knowing there were still people who were awake in there. _

_I leaned on a wall, and the next thing I knew, I was awakened by another stranger. She was my mom's age, pale, with red hair, and had a sweet smile on her face. _

"_Hi there! Are you okay?" Her voice was gentle just like her touch as she swept my hair out of my face._

_I nodded, not knowing what to say, or if I should be talking to her at all._

"_Are you hungry? I have muffins from this morning that I'll have to throw away soon. Would you like to save them from being wasted? They would be very upset if they didn't go into someone's tummy tonight."_

_I giggled, and her smile grew bigger. "Come with me, sweetie." She offered me her hand, and I took it. She sat me at a table in a corner and gave me a glass of milk and too many muffins to count. I was embarrassed, but very hungry, and I didn't care how crude I looked as I ravaged the muffins._

_The nice lady smiled as she walked away. I watched as she wiped down tables and mopped the floor. I started thinking that maybe I could offer to help in exchange for the muffins she gave me, and if I could make a habit of it. I thought maybe if I worked hard, she would let me sleep in the café. _

_I wouldn't mind sleeping on the floor; any place would be better than my stepfather's house. Any place._

_Not long after, I fell asleep, and for the first time ever, I wasn't scared to wake up to hands violating my body. Instead, I woke up to blue and red lights circling around the café walls through the windows._

_Police. _

_My stepfather made a big show of how grateful he was to the nice lady who recognized me from the Amber Alert on the TV. I even saw tears. I didn't say a word when he put me in the car and drove away. The papers would be filed in whatever way he wanted. Faking police reports was his favorite game. After all, he was the sheriff of our town. His word was law._

_It didn't matter what I said, nobody believed me. Nobody would believe the naughty child who was so much trouble according to her mom's testimony. No one would believe her over the good sheriff. No one would believe her when molestation couldn't be proven. He knew very well how not to get caught. _

That night was the start of my nightmares. Mr. Phil made the past years look like nothing with what he did to me from that night on. That night was the first time I was left naked in the basement for who knows how many days.

It was the night I knew Mr. Phil would get away with anything.

The nice lady in the café thought she was doing the right thing. Mistakenly, she put me back in the hands of a monster. Dr. Cullen could do the very same. He might have good intentions, but it would end badly. It always had. There was no way I would allow him to put me on my stepfather's radar ever again. Over my dead body. Literally.

~WtSGD~

Now that he had the full gauge of my condition, Dr. Cullen wanted to start my treatment the day after the examination. In my mind, I thought of that treatment as a magic pill I would swallow and then things would start to look up again – I would be well.

Then again, with my luck, the magic pill might kill me like it did that poor rat. I would feel badly for disappointing Dr. Cullen, but that would be it. I wasn't afraid of dying. I'd always believed that death wasn't the worst thing that could happen to someone.

If I did die during the experiment, I just hoped that it would be painless. I've had enough pain in my life.

Dr. Cullen didn't direct me to the examining table this time. Instead he asked me to sit in what looked like a modified dentist's chair. I waited until he finished putting on his surgical gloves before he helped me into the chair.

"It's okay, Bella. You're going to be fine," Dr. Cullen reassured me. He must have sensed my nervousness although I hadn't said anything.

Once I was settled, he pointed out several leather restraints on the arm and leg sections of the chair. I looked at him, wide-eyed, as he began to explain.

"You know the treatment is new and hasn't been tested before. We're not sure how your body will react to it. Your muscles could spasm, your brain may go into fight-or-flight mode – anything is possible. These cuffs are precautions for your safety, nothing more. Are you all right with that?"

"I understand. I wouldn't want to accidently harm you, too," I said shakily.

Dr. Cullen gave me a smile. "You couldn't harm me, Bella. Not even intentionally." He sounded so sure, and I couldn't blame him. I was weaker than a day-old kitten.I was fine until he began to buckle me into the chair. The straps were lined with soft wool and encircled my wrists and ankles. Another stretched across my stomach. My chest heaved as though it was confined, too.

He made certain the straps weren't too tight, then moved to a nearby table to prepare a syringe.

I tried to calm myself and breathe slowly, but I wasn't very successful. I began to sweat as my heart rate increased and my throat dried, making it hard to swallow.

"You said before you have something to relieve anxiety. Would it be possible to get that to help me calm down?"

"I'm afraid not, dear. We can't risk combining it with this new serum. It might affect the way your body reacts to the treatment, or make the treatment less effective."

"We don't want that," I murmured in disappointment.

"No," he said, swabbing the middle of my arm with a cold wet piece of cotton. "Relax, Bella. It's only an injection."

"That's it?" I thought there would be more to it than that. I had imagined scalpels and stitches.

"Yes, dear. Take a deep breath," he ordered, so I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. I felt the needle stick and very warm liquid flowing into my arm. He asked me to take another breath and before I could exhale, he said, "All done."

"Really?" I opened my eyes in surprise, because I could still feel the heat in my arm.

"Yes," he smiled. "How do you feel?"

I shrugged. "Nothing. Well, maybe just heat in my arm, but it's not uncomfortable." Dr. Cullen nodded before writing in his pocket notebook. "Is that normal?"

"We don't have a basis for what is normal, Bella. You'll have to tell me everything you feel, and I'll make sure you stay all right. Sounds good?"

"Yes, sir," I paused. "Will you unbuckle me now?"

"Not yet. We need to monitor your physical reactions for a bit first."

He kept saying 'we,' and I wondered if Edward was the other person he meant by that. I knew he was watching the experiment, but I didn't ask about him, although the idea of him watching me was always present in the back of my mind. I didn't know why.

As Dr. Cullen continued to scribble his notes, and I gazed at the cameras from my restraining chair, I felt the heat in my arm increase.

Initially, I ignored it, but then it became more intense. I looked at my arm and my eyes widened. The vein he had injected with the blue serum was swelling and turning aggressive shades of red and blue.

"Dr. Cullen?" I gasped.

~WtSGD~

**Author note: **I'm so happy for the feedback I received last chapter. I read and appreciate each one of them. Thank you so much.

I can't wait to hear your thoughts about this chapter.


	20. Chapter 14

**SM owns Twilight.**

**(CozItRunsInMyBlood /Rose B. Mashal) owns the plot.**

**(BandMum) is the wonderful beta.**

**Chapter 14**

The sight of my arm terrified me. My teeth began to chatter in horror as I watched my veins becoming bigger and bigger by the second.

"Relax, Bella. It will pass." Although his words were calm, he sounded uncertain, and it only freaked me out even more.

"It burns! Oh, my God, it burns!" The heat became unbearable, and I screamed, my body trembling as I gripped my restraints.

"I'm very sorry. Try to breathe, Bella." Dr. Cullen put his hand on my shoulder in an attempt to keep me still, but he failed. I was shaking violently. I had been so weak lately, I didn't know where my strength came from to grasp the cuffs. This pain was greater than any I had felt before.

"Make it stop! Please, make it _stop_!" I cried out loudly as the heat broke through my skin. That had to be an illusory sensation from the burning, but when I looked at my arm again, my skin was indeed breaking.

I shrieked in agony as the bluish liquid from the syringe burst through my skin and splashed onto the floor, followed by a large amount of blood. The sight of blood, and the fact that I was _losing_ so much of it, knocked me out immediately.

Dr. Cullen shouted, "Edward!" as darkness crashed down on me.

~WtSGD~

I woke to a loud beeping ringing in my ears, with a steady rhythm that made it even more annoying. My head was pounding and the throbbing in my right arm brought back the awful memory of it bursting open, flooding the place with blood.

I have to admit, I was grateful my arm was still there, and hadn't exploded completely. When I moved my head to look, it was covered in bandages and placed neatly over my stomach, but – there.

The beeping increased and the pauses in between each beep and the next shortened, and I realized I was connected to a heart monitor.

Tilting my head in different directions, I took in my surroundings. Other than the lamp beside me, and Smokey's dimly lit glass cage – the whole lab was a little too dark for my liking.

When I tried to sit up, sharp pain suddenly speared through my back. Wincing, I relaxed back on the bed.

"Don't try to get up."

I was startled by a voice that didn't belong to Dr. Cullen.

"Edward?" My throat hurt, and I sounded hoarse, probably from screaming.

"Yes, Bella," he said from a far corner where I couldn't see him. "Dr. Cullen will be back shortly,"

"How long was I asleep?" I asked, looking towards his voice as it came out of the dark.

"Almost eight hours."

"Oh."

"How do you feel now?" he asked, his tone calm and… sad.

"I don't know. I'm in pain. All over."

"I'm very sorry." Indeed, he sounded sorry.

"It's okay. Did the experiment work?"

"Unfortunately, it didn't. Dr. Cullen will give you details when he comes back. He had to do something upstairs," Edward replied.

"I'm sorry it didn't work. Was it something I did?"

"Not everything is your fault, Bella. There's nothing you need to apologize for. I hope you start realizing that soon."

I didn't say anything, because – like always – I wanted to say 'sorry' for feeling the need to say 'sorry' which seemed to annoy Dr. Cullen, and now, Edward. I wished I didn't make mistakes, but somehow, I _always_ did.

"Don't try to get up," he repeated when he saw me attempt it again, the small motion making me groan in agony.

"I'm no longer strapped to the chair," I said more to myself than to Edward. I couldn't move since any action was very painful, but I felt a little bit calmer knowing I wasn't tied down.

"No. We believe the worst has passed. There's no need for straps."

"Are you… are you a doctor, too?"

"Um, no. Yes. I mean – no." Edward said, and I frowned, but wasn't sure if he could see me. "I'm studying medicine."

I had more questions. I wanted to ask his age, how long he had known Dr. Cullen, and how far he was in medical school. I wanted to ask what he did with his time when he wasn't watching me, and when he actually got the time to study if he was watching me all day long. But all of my questions were silly.

"That's cool," I said before we fell into a deep silence.

I was examining my bandaged arm while replaying the awful experience in my head. The sight of my skin breaking that way was something I'd never imagined. It was so horrible, I couldn't believe my arm was still attached.

My fingers extended from beneath the bandage, and I decided to move them, to test if they still worked. I wanted to make sure that this was _my_ arm and not a replacement.

What a bad idea that was!

With the tiniest twitch of my index finger, pain raged through my arm, and I groaned. I mentally slapped myself for being so stupid.

"I'm sorry you're in so much pain." Edward said. Something in his tone made me want to believe he was sad for me.

"It's okay; I've had worse."

There was a pause before Edward replied, "I wish that you hadn't."

As crazy as it seemed, Edward sounded like he cared.

_Cared for the experiment, not you, idiot._ The voice in my head reminded me, and I was convinced. It was insane to think anybody would care for someone as worthless as myself.

I guess I dozed off, because the next thing I knew, Dr. Cullen was calling my name. "Bella? Wake up, dear."

Startled, my first thought was to apologize, but I refrained from doing so at the last moment. "Yes, sir." My heart was going a mile a minute, and my throat felt dry.

"Easy. How are you feeling?"

"A little intense pain in my arm and the usual aching in my bones, sir."

"Just a little?"

I wasn't sure how to answer that, but I decided to go with the truth. "It's – uh, agonizing."

Dr. Cullen pressed his lips into a thin line. I wondered if I gave him the wrong answer, not the one he was looking for, and if it irritated him. I wondered if I could take it back and apologize.

Eventually, I said nothing. I waited and watched Dr. Cullen for a few minutes. He seemed to be thinking about a million things, and trying to figure out which to do next.

"I'm deeply sorry for this. Hopefully, your arm will heal soon, and the pain will go away." He started to write something in his notebook.

"May I…"

"You can speak. It's okay."

"May I ask what happened? Why the experiment didn't work?"

"You had an allergic reaction to the formula." His answer was short and unsatisfying, but I didn't dare tell him so, or ask him to explain further.

"So, is that it? The experiment failed?" I was in pain, and I was terrified. If the experiment was called off, I would stop wondering constantly what was going to happen to me next. That should be a relief, right? It wasn't.

Calling it off wouldn't stop my anxiety and worry, it wouldn't end my fears, or ease my pain. I'd be back on the street, sicker and weaker than ever. I'd be dead or killed in a matter of days, that was certain.

I realized I didn't want the experiment to end. Even if it eventually cost me my life, at least it wouldn't be in a corner of an alley. I wouldn't rot for God only knows how long until someone found my body. I would be buried next to my father, as Dr. Cullen promised me.

I wanted to ask him to redo it; I wasn't dead, yet, and I had another arm. Maybe the second time would work. I wanted anything other than to be back on the streets.

"It did fail this time, but we can try again with other formulas I have. Do you still want to go on?" he asked, and my eyes brightened.

"Yes, sir," I replied instantly. "I want to try again. I want this to work."

His smile was soft. "I admire your strength and courage, Bella."

"Thank you, sir." I managed a smile back, my heart warming knowing that I had another chance to stay here. It may be a glass cage, but I didn't feel like a prisoner. Anything was better than the streets. Anything was better than my stepfather's arms.

~WtSGD~

Dr. Cullen wheeled me to my glass room and offered to help me into bed. I declined and managed on my own, even though it jostled my arm. He gave me some morphine and the pain diminished greatly after that. It didn't completely disappear and I still couldn't move my arm without it being agonizing, but at least I could walk a few steps, and sit up in bed without much difficulty.

"Edward is preparing you something to eat now. All you have to do is to eat well, take your medication and rest. We'll have round two of the experiment once your arm is completely healed."

"Yes, sir," I said. The idea of feeling that pain again didn't seem as terrifying as having to leave Dr. Cullen's lab. "Thank you. Please, thank Edward for me." I had a feeling he wouldn't be the one to bring me food, even if he prepared it.

"Will do. Rest now, Bella. I'll go check on Smokey."

I nodded with a smile and watched him walk to Smokey's cage across from mine. I felt dizzy and couldn't concentrate on what he was doing, but I noticed when he took his phone out of his pocket a few minutes later. He looked at it for a second before putting it back, then walked towards the inside door that led into his house. He disappeared for a minute, then came back with a tray.

I thanked him again when he was about to leave, then I whispered 'Thank you,' to one of the security cameras in the corner of my room. Obviously, Edward didn't want to interact with me more than necessary. Maybe at all.

~WtSGD~

I devoured the soup in what felt like less than a minute, then I felt the need to use the bathroom immediately. Thankfully, Dr. Cullen had put my bandaged arm in a sling, which made moving easier. The pain was still there, but not as intense since my arm was secured in place.

Slowly, I made my way to the bathroom. I took care of business as quickly as possible but got my gown wet as I tried to splash my face and neck with some water. I wondered if Dr. Cullen had turned up the heat, because I felt annoyingly hot.

As I went into the closet to change, I heard some humming coming from one of the corners. I was in the same area when I heard the footsteps the other day, and I realized that the closet must be connected to the upper floor with an air vent or something. The humming was loud enough for me to realize it was two men talking.

I knew I shouldn't, but I couldn't stop myself. I walked into the corner and pressed my ear to the wooden wall, hoping that I could listen to what was going on upstairs.

Once my ear was flat to the wall, my eyes widened. I couldn't believe how clearly I could hear them, as if they were standing just a yard away, not on the second floor: Dr. Cullen and Edward.

"_Allergy? That's the best you can come up with?"_ That was Edward.

I frowned. His question made it seem like the allergic reaction Dr. Cullen told me I had was a lie. I never thought he was lying to me before, but now I had my doubts.

"_Technically, she did have an allergic reaction to the formula." _

"_People sneeze, cough, or vomit when they have an allergic reaction, Carlisle. They may choke or get a rash; their veins and skin don't burst open like a piñata and they almost bleed to death!" _

The fact that he called him by his first name made me think that Edward may be more than just his assistant. But what did I know? Maybe they had a good working relationship.

Edward's words were convincing; as far as I knew, people don't nearly bleed to death because of an allergy. But I could be wrong.

"_She believed me, didn't she?"_

My frown deepened at Dr. Cullen's response. It confirmed that he wasn't telling the truth, or was hiding it from me.

What could it be that happened to me, then? Admittedly, it was the weirdest and most terrifying thing I'd ever seen. But I was alive still. For now.

"_Does she have any other choice than to believe you? I hate this, Carlisle. I hate it!"_ I was surprised at how angry Edward sounded. What made him so angry? I didn't dare to think it was for me. I was worthless.

"_She agreed to this, Edward. Keep that in mind."_

"_She didn't have any other choice!"_ Edward yelled; his voice was so loud I knew I wouldn't have had to press my ear to the wall to hear it.

Dr. Cullen was unbelievably calm when he replied. "_But she _did_ choose. Think of it as the only way to help her. She has a fatal disease; she would have died anyway. Now she has a chance to heal if this all works out well." _

My stomach turned, and I felt tears closing my throat. I wished I could tell Edward that he didn't have to hate the situation I was in. Dr. Cullen was right; it was my choice.

I wanted to tell him that the few weeks I spent here were the most protected and least painful of my whole life. I wished he could hear about my past and compare it to my present. I would rather have the experiment done and re-done every single hour than go back to the streets with the risk of being found again by the monster.

But those memories were forever in my head, engraved on my body, and will never come out on my tongue.

There was a pause before Edward spoke again. This time his voice was lower, more defeated than calm. _"She breaks my fucking heart, Carlisle. I wish she wasn't scared and in pain all the time."_

I swallowed thickly, tears flowing heavily down my face. It wasn't a shocker that I was pathetic, but it was a punch in the gut to hear how sad it made Edward feel. It was even sadder that I didn't deserve his sympathy – I was nobody. Nothing.

"_The pain might go away if the experiment works out. But she's too damaged to stop being scared, son. The wounds on her soul may never heal."_

~WtSGD~

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Hugs and kiss,  
~Cozy.


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